Author Archives: Manny

I Went To Get My BAE And I Some Ice Cream… And… She Left Me

It was a hot as a “Congressman going home to deal with his constituents after voting to take away their healthcare” day in the city of ….. . And in said city, the couple of Ivan and Tanna were sitting in their apartment Netflixing and chilling… Actually chilling, not what the memes and slang is known for, when Tanna got up from the couch to go to the freezer for some ice cream… But once there, she realized that there was as much ice cream in the freezer as there are 2017 Boston Celtics Eastern Conference Champions T-Shirts ….. … Not in some developing country that the dominating countries don’t care about unless they’re exploiting developing country resources… Now back to less political and sad news…

So anyway, Tanna walked back to the front room kinda sad, because she  had some craving for a combination of some cream, milk, sugar-ish, and artificial-ish ingredients, and she let the Bae know about her frustration…

“Ivan… Did you eat the rest of the ice cream”?… Asked Tanna.

“Ah yeah, I’m sorry baby… Dat blueberry banana ice cream was lit… And I haven’t gone to the store yet”… Answered Ivan.

“You know… I love da cream Bae… And when I get my cream, you know dat makes me very …..”… Replied Tanna.

……….

I’ma go get some ice cream right now… Be back in a few”…

So Ivan got into his car… Since the store was only five minutes away, might as well get some fitness in. So anyway, once he arrived at the store, Ivan went to the frozen food aisle and browsed the options… There were the usual suspects of vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, neapolitan, cookies n cream, rocky road, etc. but there was some unusual ones as well, like goat cheese, oatmeal, bacon, pizza, and cereal milk, to name some ….. … But the two ice cream flavors that peaked Ivan’s interest were the peach cobbler and sweet potato pie flavors…

So after contemplating on which one to buy for a couple of minutes, Ivan eventually decided on sweet potato pie… Because ….. . And once that decision was made, he went up to the front to pay…

“Sweet potato pie ice cream… Never had that before… I’m more traditional… Vanilla, chocolate, sometimes both of them together”… Said The Cashier.

O that’s nice… I don’t have a preference. I’m down to try almost anythingAlmost… Just wanted to try something new”… Replied Ivan.

“Well that’ll be $9.94”… Said The Cashier.

……….

Y’all got some Swisher Sweets… I really like this brand for… Reasons”… Asked Ivan.

“Yeah… Which flavor”?… Asked The Cashier.

“Huh?… They have different flavors”… Ivan said to himself… Before he proceeded to say out loud…

“Just gimme the regular flavor”…

“Okay… That’ll be…”… Replied The Cashier.

And after paying for the ice cream and Swisher Sweets, Ivan made the five minute or so walk back home to give the Bae the sweet potato pie ice cream, and to… Netflix and chill ….. Exactly… …..

But soon thereafter, Ivan saw a note sitting on the counter… No this is 2017, not 1987, Millennials ain’t doing that shit… He got a text message

“Ivan… I left you a message. Hope u understand”… Said the text Tanna sent Ivan.

………. was Ivan’s reaction… But he went on to click – Or whatever you call it on a phone – the link…

“Ivan… It’s time… For us to go our separate ways. It just ain’t working no more. Even tho I have love for you, I’m no longer in love with you. You’re like Common… A good rapper who makes good solid hits. He’s nice when you want to pull out a cd, and listen to some consciousness and shit like that ….. , but right now, I’m in the turnt up and lit part of my life… meaning I’m looking for a man who’s about that new money… Who’s with the current times ….. . You’re like many men, who can’t take me to the candy shop, when I want someone who will risk public ridicule for slapping a ball, than being called out. I’ve been feeling this way for a couple of months, but you’re a good guy, and I wanted this to work… But while you were going to get some ice cream, I finally came to the conclusion that this ain’t gonna work… I bet you got some sweet potato pie ice cream… Why couldn’t you had gotten pumpkin, or Nutella, or green juice… I wish you would stop generalizing… Just because I like Lemonade, doesn’t mean that I automatically like BBQ ribs… You’re a good guy Ivan, but you’re too general. Too establishment. I need someone who will shake things up. I hope you’ll find someone more to your liking… Well what more can I say…”…

……….”… Was the response Ivan had for the next handful of minutes, because how else are you supposed to respond to something like this?…

So after being in a state of confusion and WTF for awhile, Ivan grabbed his pack of Swisher Sweets, took one out and began consuming it… Because this is the reason why you buy Swisher Sweets in the first place… There are other reasons, but that’s irrelevant to this short story, so whateva…

So anyway, Ivan went on to smoke a couple of Swishers, before going to sleep… Because when you go out to get your Bae some ice cream, and she winds up leaving you before you come back… What the fuck else is there to do?… ……….

That Time I Was Texting With A Friend And A Man Yelled For Help

Isa Glover walked out of Hot Sticky Bunz, and was on her phone texting with her BFF

…………………….

And while this conversation was going on, out of the corner of Isa’s eye was this man walking towards a tree-ish area, and once he arrived there, he began taking a leak…

…..

…………………….

Aw Aw Aw Aw Aw… My penis”… Screamed The Man in the background.

“What is that?… O… M… G… Ayana, I’m gonna have to call you back”… Isa said to Ayana.

…..

And over the next couple of minutes, Isa watched… This developing situation…

………. (I’ve just arrived on the scene… All I can report is that a man is screaming)

……….

……………

“O MY FUCK!!! … THERE’S A SNAKE ATTACHED TO YOUR PENIS”!!!!! Said Isa.

……….

………. 

I should call 911”… Said Isa.

…..

……….

……….

“Hello this is the Cloudgate Police and Emergency Department… What is your emergency”?… Asked The 911 Operator.

………. Yes operator, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but a snake is attacking this man’s penis… And needs immediate assistance”… Replied Isa.

“Ma’am… You must be a fan of Bill Bellamy… Because you got jokes

(…..)

Now please get of my line, so that real emergencies can be dealt with”… Responded The 911 Operator.

“But Ma’am…

(….. ….. …..)

I’m serious”… Replied Isa.

…..

There’s a better way”… Said Isa… To herself.

………. ……………….. ……….

“Hello this is the Cloudgate Police and Emergency Department… What is your emergency”?… Asked The 911 Operator.

“Ma’am please don’t hang up…”… Said Isa.

“O… It’s you again… What joke do you have now”?… Asked a ….. 911 Operator.

“I’m sending you a video of this incident”… Replied Isa.

….. …..

…..

………………..

“O… My… Fuck… You were serious… I’ve never seen this in all of my years in this job…

(……….  ……….)

Help will be there as soon as possible”… Responded The 911 Operator.

“Hurry up… He may not have much time”… Replied Isa.

……….

“Hey Tad … Come see this”… Said The 911 Operator.

……….

Hey Stephen… Come see this”… Said Tad.

And your guess is correct if you anticipated what happened next…

………. ……….

So anyway, back to the situation that caused all of this commotion in the first place…

By this time, The Man had gone through it, and was laying on the ground unconscious. And when Isa walked up to him to see the damage, she was ….. by the damage… And although Isa is a woman – With womanly body parts -, even she shed a tear – If not physically, emotionally -… And she all of a sudden felt really bad about chuckling at this – Albeit it somewhat – funny… That has turned into a very serious situation …..

……….

“O… MY… FUCK!!!!! … We gotta get this man to the hospital”… Said one of the EMT’s.

……….

……….

“Okay… Haven’t seen this before… Take him to Emergency Room #4”… Said a Doctor.

……….

Eighteen hours later…

……….

“Mr. Newman, glad you’re finally awake”… Said a Doctor.

“What… What happened… Why am I here”?… Asked Mr. Newman.

“Okay… Um… You see Mr. Newman, a binopus snake attacked your penis… And it inserted a lot of poison into it… I mean not to be graphic, but we had to do quite a bit of work on your penis… It was tough and go for a while, and your penis is gonna need a lot of therapy, but it will make a full recovery… Thank goodness the binopus snake didn’t attack your testicles… Because that would’ve been much more problematic”… Replied The Doctor.

…………………….”… Responded Mr. Newman.

……….

Okay… They really don’t teach you how to handle a situation like this in Med School”… Said The Doctor.

……………

……………

So some days had advanced since Mr. Newman had received the life altering news of the ramifications of the binopus snake attack… And the person who had a front row view of this ….. was wondering how he was doing, so she went to the hospital to see him…

……….

………………………..

“Yes how can I help you”… Asked a Receptionist.

“Um yes… I’m looking for someone… I don’t know his name, but he’s the person who was attacked by the snake”… Answered Isa.

Oooooooooo Mckinley Newman… Yeah he’s the famous… Or probably more accurate, most infamous patient we’ve ever had at the hospital… How do you know him”… Asked The Receptionist.

“I… I’m the one who called 911… I would just like to see how he’s doing”… Replied Isa.

“Oooookaaaaay… I’m not supposed to do this, but… Room 212… Get on the elevator, go up a floor, turn left, and then make a right… Walk a little down the hall, and you’ll get to 212”… Responded The Receptionist.

“Thank you”… Replied Isa.

…………………………

……….”… Responded Mckinley.

“You probably don’t know me, but I’m the person who called 911 when that… Snake attacked you”… Replied Isa.

……….”… Responded Mckinley.

“So how are you doing”?… Asked Isa.

……………”… Responded Mckinley.

“Okkkaaay… Look I just wanted to see how you’re doing… I felt bad about initially laughing at your… …..”… Said Isa.

………. Get out of my room”… Replied Mckinley.

“Look I just wanted to see how you was doing…

… I feel really bad, and I know it’s not much, but when you’re feeling better, we can go out for some drinks… You know, something like that”… Responded Isa.

…………… I guess so… You are attractive, but it ain’t like anything is gonna happen… Cars will be powered by sugar before I’ll be able to use this thing ….. again”… Replied Mckinley.

“Um… I don’t know how to ask this, but how damaged is your …..”… Asked Isa.

It’s real fucked up… Got a long way to go… Got months of therapy ….. Gonna have to take pills so I can’t get an erection ….. Because getting one in the near future is deadly for me… I don’t really wanna talk about it right now… I just wanna play some games on my phone right now… I’ll probably go into more detail about this in Chapter II”… Responded Mckinley.

“I understand… Well I just wanted to see how you was doing… So yeah… Here’s my number… Call me when you feel better”… Replied Isa.

……….”… Responded Mckinley.

………………………………….

Hey Ayana… What you doing”?…

The Loneliness Trigger

You go out to eat with family… Everyone orders from the menu… And around ten minutes or so later, everyone has their food. Everyone starts eating, drinking, and conversating, and a few minutes into this… Something hits you…

 

You are the fifth wheel…

 

Your family members are here with their significant other… Whether it’s their wife, husband… Yeah lets just keep it at that because that’s the scenario that we’re talking about here…

 

So yeah, your family members are there with their significant other enjoying the food and drinks, and talking about stuff that you’re not familiar with because you are visiting from out of town… And as this is happening, you watch, listen, and began to retreat into your own world… A world you are sadly familiar with… As this instance once again launched you into the loneliness trigger…

 

So dinner continues as the foursome conversate and… Stuff like that. And when that concluded, the five of us got back into the hatchback, and went home… One couple in the front, one in the back, and me in the middle by my lonesome…

 

The above scenario is something that I’ve become an expert in for most of my life… Going into my own world when The Loneliness Trigger hits me… Whether it’s being around family… Who now have their own family, friends, and whatnot, to a certain parent who’s made it very clear that you have never been that important to them… And how he has a ….. I don’t know what you call it, but he has friends, women after women after women who care and I guess some of them love him, while you wonder why you constantly have consistent citizenship on lonely man island… It really has you questioning a lot of things…

 

So anyway, as I was saying… When you see kids you grow up with in church now have their own family and stuff like that… To when your standing in line at the grocery store, and the person in front of you and the cashier – Or whatever fancy title these corporations have come up with – is engaging in conversation like they’ve known each other for years, and then when it’s time for you to check out, it’s like who are you… I mean it’s true, but still… Whateva… The point still stands that complete strangers can talk to each other like they’ve known each other for years, and then they get to you and it’s like …..

 

But when The Loneliness Trigger reaches it’s apex is on social media…

 

On the most popular social platform on the planet, all that I’ve mentioned above is amplified to the max…You see all your family members and “friends” living fruitful lives… And if not fruitful, they’re at least not alone. They could talk to someone if they really needed to… They have hundreds if not thousands of “friends”… Now I know that a lot of that is for show, but still – At least in my eyes – they’re faking it well… Compare to my measly couple of dozen or a few more of “friends”… There’s nothing that triggers The Loneliness Trigger more than being on the most popular social platform on planet Earth… Which is why I only get on there as many times as the New England Patriots haven’t won the AFC East in Brady/Belichick era… And when I do, I quickly realize why I only get on there as few times as I do…

 

And yeah, the social network that starts with the letter f is the social network that triggers The Loneliness Trigger more than anything else, but there’s room for the others as well…

 

Back when I was using the 140 character ….. (yeah I know they doubled it, but they became famous for the 140 characters and that’s what we’re gonna stick to her) social network a lot more, The Loneliness Trigger wasn’t as bad as the social network I previously mentioned… In fact, even tho I wasn’t interacting much with people, I still felt like I was a part of something… In my own lonely man way… But then… It hit…

 

Not interacting with anyone… Sending all those tweets, and not getting any replies or retweets, feeling like an outcast like the kid in school no one wants to be around (he’s got cooties or something more cruller)… You know I see stories of how people first met on the microblogging site, and now are BFF’s, romantic partners, or even married ….. (I guess people don’t like me)… So yeah…

 

And on the gram, you know what the deal is… If you’re not …………… (famous, hot (women and to a lesser extent men), comedian, etc) then you’re not gonna be popular relevant… That’s just how it is… But you would think that people who feel like their outcasts could meet each other, and at least not be as lonely, and even perhaps find some happiness in this ….. (fucked up) world… But… Yeah…

 

But you know the worst thing about current times – From my perspective – is you are always reminded that you ain’t shit…

 

In the offline world… You see couples doing couples shit. You see parents with their children… Doing parent shit… You see couples with kids… Doing family shit… You see couples with their children, and the couple’s parents doing… Whateva man…

 

In the online world… You see couples posting pics, and videos, and whateva (I’m grateful that god sent me an angel, shit like that) about couples shit… You see parents posting pics of their children, and saying… Parent shit… You see children with their parents, and posting… Children shit… You see couples with their children, and posting… Family shit… You see couples with their children, and the couple’s parents, posting… Whateva man…

 

So as I concluded this… Post, or whateva you wanna call it, if anyone should ever read this, I would be lying if I didn’t say I wasn’t somewhat bitter, but really… I’m sad, depressed, and… More sad that I’m a… Not old, but definitely not young, man who doesn’t have anyone who I can… Do what I just wrote about in the past handful of paragraphs… And will I ever find someone seeing that I’m not getting younger, and that I’m not the most desirable motherfucka out there…

 

Will I ever get to break out of this Loneliness Trigger, and finally get to spread some happiness glitter all over my life?… And… That’s pretty much all I gotta say right now…

A Conversation On The Emerald Train

(Writer’s Note: I have proofread this story at least two or three times (I can’t remember the exact number), so the misspelled words in this story are intentional… Hope you enjoy the story…)

 

Zelda boarded The Emerald Train to head home after a long day. And after taking a seat, she went into her handbag to grab her phone to see her text messages. And she went on to text back and forth with a friend for a handful of minutes, before attaching some earbuds to the phone to listen to some music, as to fill in the time until the train arrived at her stop…

……….

And after zoning out to the music for a few minutes, Zelda looked around the train and saw a dark melanin skin toned, dreadlocked, and goateed middle aged man to the left of her eyeing her like a hawk eyeing his next prey that’ll be on his next poster. And after staring at him for a handful of seconds, Zelda said to the man…

“Is there a particular reason that you’re staring at me like you expect me to call you on your cell phone”?…

……….

O I’m sorry… What did you say?…”… Asked The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

………………..”… Responded Zelda.

“O I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable… It’s just been a long day… Worked my last day at the airport before officially receiving my pink slip… And staring at you just brought a smile to my face… But once again, I apologize for making you uncomfortable”… Replied The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

……….

You worked at the Sleeping Garde Cosmopolitan Airport?… I heard on the news that they were laying off around three, four hundred people…”… Responded Zelda

“Yeah…”…  Replied The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“Sorry for your circumstance”… Responded Zelda.

“Yeah… Worked there for the last six years… Good pay, good benefits, good healthcareAll that gone now

Sleeping Garde is merging with Boisterous Interurban, and they’re cutting back on costs… And I got caught up in it”… Replied The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

Big business really sucks at times… So what are you gonna do now”?… Asked Zelda.

“Shit I don’t know… I’ll collect unemployment for a little and look for a job elsewhere”… Answered The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“Have you thought about going back to school… I go to Millenium U… Workin’ on my BSN Degree”… Said Zelda.

“Nah… Went to school around a decade ago… That’s how I was able to get the Line Technician job in the first place… I’m just gonna search around town, and hopefully find a job that’s comparable to Sleeping Garde…

So do you work”?… Asked The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“Yeah… I work at Orenge Garden Medical Center… And between working around thirty hours a week there, and another fifteen at Millenium U, I’m always busy”… Replied Zelda.

“Well that’s good that you have a job and workin’ on your degree… I hope my daughter will have the same drive as you by the time she graduates high school… All she’s interested in right now is gettin’ likes on social media

(Writer’s Note: Here’s an interesting article about How Tryin’ for social media likes is killing our real non social media lives joy If you’re interested)

… Tryin’ to be a different pop star every other week, and… Trap boyz… I don’t know what that is… And really… I don’t care”… Responded The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

…..

I’m pretty sure that it’s a faze… With the exception of social media, that pretty much sounded like me when I was her age… That sounds like me now… I just have to prioritize things like rent, bills, food, insurance, clothing, and whatnot… And I have to work and go to school so that I can pay for those things… But I still make time for the fun things in life… Got to… Or else what would be the point of living if you’re not goin’ to enjoy it… At least sometimes”… Replied Zelda.

……….

Yeah I guess… I hang out with some friends at times… But I mostly work, take care of my kids, and whenever I have some time, sleep… I think I’ll enjoy life when I can retire… But that’s at least a couple of decades from now…

……….

I like your hairstyle… It’s very dope”… Said The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

…..

Dope… Thank you very much for the compliment”… Replied Zelda.

“I’m not into the latest slang that your generation uses, but dope was the first word that came to my mind”… Responded The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“Well your dreads are dope as well”… Replied Zelda.

……….

……….

So does that tattoo on your chest have a particular meaning”?… Asked The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“My best friend and I got it when we graduated high school… I got more meaningful tattoos… Like the one on my right forearm… The face is of my mother… I got it when she was going through cancer and I thought I was gonna lose her… And the butterflies around her face are because they start out as these slimy worms, but over time, they shed layers, and eventually become that beautiful butterfly who flies the skies for all the world to see

I know that’s not exactly how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, but I just thought that it was a good representation of my mom during her battle with cancer”… Replied Zelda.

“…..

Well it’s a beautiful tattoo…

None of my tattoos are that meaningful… I just like getting them… Although I would say that my favorite one is of the Devon House that I got when I went to Jamaica a few years back”… Responded The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“Can I see it”?… Asked Zelda.

“Okay hold on”… Answered The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

And then he pulled up his collared shirt up to his collarbone, to show Zelda the large and very expansive Devon House tattoo that nearly takes up the entire arm…

“It’s very beautiful”… Said Zelda.

“Yeah it is”… Replied The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“I’m gettin’ a tattoo on my left forearm next week”… Said Zelda.

“O yeah… Of what”?… Asked The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“Of a large afro black girl blowing a large bubblegum bubble… Been wanting to get this one for a while now.. Answered Zelda.

“That’s… Dope”… Replied The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“Yeah it is”… Responded Zelda.

“So where do you go get your tattoos at”?… Asked The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

The Humble Troll on West Way”… Answered Zelda.

“Never heard of them… I go to The Black Bird over on Azure Lane… Been going there for years”… Replied The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“I heard they charge high for tats and piercings… Particularly this one tattooer… I  forgot his name… It’s um…”… Responded Zelda.

“… Sunny… Yeah she’s done most of my tats… She does charge high, but she works fast and I’ve never had any complaints

……………

… Can’t wait to get home… I haven’t eaten all day… Can’t wait to put some ground beef on the grill, and make a couple of juicy burgers”… Said The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“Sounds good”… Responded a ….. Zelda.

“You don’t like burgers”?… Asked a ….. The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“I do… But I’m trying to watch what I eat… Gotta lose some weight”… Replied Zelda.

“Says who?… Because you sho look good to me”… Responded The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

“Yeah I know… My boyfriend thinks I’m crazy, but I don’t like being this big…

My thighs are the size of Kanye’s ego, and my arms are too flabby… I need to get them toned up”… Replied Zelda.

“Well you can’t live you life trying to be one of the most beautiful women in the world… You just gotta be yourself, and be happy about it…

I mean I’m no Idris, but I think I’m rather handsomeIf I must say so myself”… Responded The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

……….

Yeah I know… But loving yourself in a society that does everything possible to tell you that you’re not beautiful is a challenge

(Writer’s Note: Here’s a very interesting article about the language of beauty ads. I think you’ll be fascinated/intrigued by it like I was)

I hope one day I’ll arrive at that point, but I ain’t there yet”… Replied Zelda.

“Well I hope you get there before you do something to your body that you’ll later regret

(Writer’s Note: Here’s an article about the growing acceptance of plastic surgery within the black community… Make of it as you will… …..)

… I can’t stand to see beautiful women who get work done, or inject something in their bodies, or put something on their skin to lighten it

(Writer’s Note: I feel obligated to point out that skin lightening just ain’t a woman thang)

…And afterward, they look like a special effects from a Hollywood movie… It’s just sad”… Responded The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

O no… I’m not doing anything drastic like thatI just wanna slim down a bit Well more than a bit to be honest

…………………….

Well my stop is coming up… It was nice talking to you…”… Said Zelda.

“Likewise”… Replied The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

……….

“You know if you ever feel like just talking or whatever… You can call or text me if you want”… Said Zelda.

……….

Yeah I would like that”… Replied The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man.

And then Zelda gave The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man her number, before saying to him…

“Zelda…”…

“Roosevelt…”… Replied The Dark Melanin Skin Toned, Dreadlocked, And Goateed Middle Aged Man… Now known as Roosevelt.

……….

“I guess I’ll talk to you later”… Said Zelda.

……….”… Responded Roosevelt.

And shortly thereafter, The Emerald Train stopped and Zelda got off to walk the four block walk home…

So How Was Your Trip To The Laundromat

It was eight forty-five in the morning, when Dion Tower left his apartment to go to the laundromat inside The Prince’s Grove Apartments Complex to wash his clothes. And once he arrived there, he was surprised to see that he wouldn’t be alone

Indeed in the laundromat at this early morning hour with Dion is a very spiritually cultivated pepper – With a lot of salt mixed in – short haircut haired woman, who stands the height of the woman who used a dope ass sample of a Memphis Soul Legend for her debut hit song… With high cheekbones, and nude brown lipstick covering her featherweight lips…

And Dion stared at the woman for a quick second or two, before returning his attention back to the large batch of clothing he had to wash and dry…

You see he wanted to get this done early, before the laundromat got more crowded later in the late morning and afternoon hours. So he put his headphones on and went to his favorite music streaming app, before zoning out into his own world, and separating the colors from the whites, the delicates from the normal and heavy clothes, before putting them into separate washing machines…

And while he was doing that, Dion began singing out loud the song that he was currently listening to… And The Pepper and Salt Haircut Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman temporarily stopped organizing her clothes to stare at Dion for a handful of seconds… And eventually, he looked in her direction to see that she was staring at him…

“O I’m sorry… I forgot I wasn’t here by myself”… Said Dion.

“O it’s okay sweetie… I’m just surprised that you’re not listening to hip hop… Who are you listening to”?… Asked The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

That Loving Feeling by Isaac Hayes”… Answered Dion.

……….

Okay… Not the answer I was expecting”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Yeah I don’t really listen to current music… it just doesn’t cut it for meToo much sex, not enough sensualityToo much bragging, not enough realness… I like music that’s like after you eat a plate of soul food… It fills you up and stays with you for awhile”… Responded Dion.

“……….

Back in my backsliding days, I used to listen to music like that… A couple of my children are here because of it… But I’m a God Fearing Woman now… Yep, I only listen to music for the almighty

Shirley Caesar, Bebe and Cece Winans, The Clark Sisters, Thomas Dorsey, Vanessa Bell Armstrong, Marvin Sapp, Aretha Franklin, Mahalia Jackson”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“So do you go to church regularly”… Asked Dion.

“Every Sunday… Go to Victorious Jesus Tabernacle on 59th and Blackroot”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Yeah I don’t go to church like I used to when I was younger… Just become less motivated to as each day goes by”… Responded Dion.

“Yeah I know the world is crazier than the neighborhood hustler tryin’ to sell you a Michael Jackson 8 track tape, but the only person who can guide me is the almighty messiah”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Yeah I’m more focused on not becoming a casualty to this ever increasing messed up world… Too many people who have bad intentionsAvoiding them at all costs is a full time job plus another full time job… It leaves you little time to sit down and rest”… Responded Dion.

Yeah I hear you on that… Just gotta leave it up to the lord”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

……….

… You know these machines are a doozy... Did you know that I put my clothes in these two machines and they wouldn’t work… But as soon I put my clothes in some other machines, they began working like prune juice through the digestive tract of a constipated person… That’s just crazy”… Said The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Yeah that is… I mean they just put in these new machines earlier in the year, so they shouldn’t be acting up already… You should go get your money back from the front office”… Replied Dion.

“O God yes… I’m going over there as soon as I get done washing these clothes”… Responded The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

………………..

“Oooooooooo… I need some washing powder… Apparently I’m using more washing machines than I thought”… Dion said to himself…

(He thought he was only going to use three washing machines, but it turned out that he would be using four…)

So anyway, Dion went back to his apartment to grab some more washing powder, before returning to the laundromat around the jersey number of the headline member of the 2016 Pro Football Hall of Fame of minutes later… And once back there…

Dion was treated to the sight of The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman bent over taking off her reddish pink pants… Which now revealed the solid as a Mike Conley stat sheet black panty briefs she had on underneath… And Dion just stood there and stared at the sudden full black moon that he wasn’t expecting to see when he decided to wash his clothes this morning…

……….

O I’m sorry… I didn’t expect you back so soon… I’m not some pervert or anything like that… I just decided that I really wanted to wash these pants, and I didn’t have time to go up to my apartment to change into some other pants”… Said a ….. The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

……….

It’s okay… You have nothing to apologize for…

So do you work out?… Because you have a… Very nice ….. I’ve seen women half your age with backsides not well put together”… Asked Dion.

“No not to particularly… Maybe The Good Lord just blessed me with good genes”… Answered The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

And seconds later, she grabbed a towel from her basket and wrapped it around her waist, before taking a seat in the chair that was nearby… And Dion for his part, returned his attention back to the large pile of clothes that he had to go back to his apartment to get some more washing powder so that he could wash all of them, as he placed the quarters in the coin slot, and then the clothes in the washing machine, before closing the doors and watching the water fill up the machines for a few handfuls of seconds…

……….

“Are those  Xenia Zsu”?… Asked Dion.

“Uh?…”… Asked The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Your underwear… Are those Xenia Zsu’s?… My ex really liked those brand of panties”… Replied Dion.

“O yeah… They are Xenia Zsu… Been wearing them since I was your age… I’ve worn other brands, but Xenia Zsu is the one that I feel the most comfortable in ”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Yeah my ex bought me some of their boxers… But I just wasn’t feelin’ them… They were too tight… Especially around my junk… That’s why I wear Odis Shaheed Ali… It gives me plenty of breathing room

I have heard that Xenia Zsu has some nice thong underwear… My ex and a couple of her friends swear by them”… Responded Dion.

“Thongs… Mmhmm mmhmm… I don’t wear anything that I have to stick up my caboose… That’s just uncomfortable and nasty… I walked around with something up me for thirty five years, and now that I no longer have to do that, I’m not going to willingly put something else up me”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

……….

……….

Okay… Wasn’t expecting that answer”… Responded Dion.

“Well sorry to be so blunt, but it’s the truth… The happiest I’ve been is the fifteen years since I’ve crossed over… Don’t have to worry about spending that money on feminine products, or the cramps, or not being able to wear certain clothingThe devil has to be behind periods… Because someone as great as God wouldn’t do that to women”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

…………………….”… Responded Dion.

And a few handfuls of seconds later, a thought popped into Dion’s head…

“I hope you don’t mind me asking… But I’ve been wondering… Once women your age “Change”, do y’all still have feelings, desires…. You know what I’m talkin’ about”?…

……….

“I’m Spiritually CultivatedNot deadYes I do date men… I particularly like dating this man that I met a few months ago… He brings a lot to the table”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“I see… I only ask because my mother did a lot of dating when she was younger… But once the changed happened, her interest in dating men waned… She wore much less makeup, wore more baggy clothes, got her hair done less… She just spent more time with her female friends and grandchildren

I mean if I’m being honest, I’m very happy about it… I no longer have to deal with men trying to be my daddy… You know tryin’ to mark their territory and stuff”… Responded Dion.

“I’m not tryin’ to be rude… But that sounds highly selfish of you… I’m pretty sure you love your mother, but she’s gotta have a life of her own”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“…..

Yeah I know… And I should feel guilty about it… But honestly… I don’t… What can I say, I’m a mama’s boy”… Responded Dion.

“….. You remind so much of Javion… He’s my youngest son… He calls me almost everyday… He’s always callin’ me about anything… What are you doing mama?… Do you want me to do something for you?… Can I borrow twenty dollars?… And things like that…

I love my son… But sometimes I just wanna call block his butt sometimes”… Said The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Well I talk to my mom a lot… But I know when to give her some breathing room…

So how many children do you have”?… Asked Dion.

“Five… And all of them are boys… Them and their father… I was the only female in the home”… Answered The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“So you and your sons father were together for a while”?… Asked Dion.

“From the time I was twelve to around seven years ago…

We got together in middle school, and had our first son when I was fourteen… We divorced some years back…

We had a lot of great times, but by the end, we couldn’t stand to be in the same room with each other… I guess being together since we were teenagers finally took it’s toll on our relationship… Still don’t like him tho”… Responded The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

……….

So are you interested in having another long term relationship”?… Asked Dion.

……….

Yes… And no… I do like the idea and feeling of being in a long term relationship… But I also like the freedom of just dating… There’s little attachment, and you can date more than one person at a time… Without feeling guilty about it”… Answered The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

And soon thereafter, The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman’s washing machines began cycling down, signaling that her clothes had finished their washing and cleansing cycle, so she went to take them out of the washing machines, before placing them into a couple of dryers, and inserting the amount of change that was needed into them to start them up…

………………..

“So have you ever dated a younger man”?… Asked Dion.

“Huh?… Could you ask that question again?… I didn’t hear what you asked”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Have you ever dated a younger man”?… Reitered Dion.

“….. No… Never really considered it… The only young men that I talk to regularly are my sons… And sometimes there friends… I mean honestly the idea of me with a younger man just seems so farfetched”… Answered The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“……….

I like your makeup… It looks very good on you”… Said Dion.

“Thank you”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

……….

“My name’s Dion…”… Said Dion

“….. Shera…”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman… Now known as Shera.

“Shera… That’s an alluring name… And a fitting one as well…

……….”… Responded Dion.

“………. Please answer me something Dion… Are you tryin’ to mack me”?… Asked Shera.

…..

If you’re interested… Then yes… But if not… Then I’m just engaging in casual conversation”… Answered Dion.

………………..

So you like older women”?… Asked Shera.

“I like women period… Don’t care about there age… Obviously as long as there legal… I feel that’s a very important point to make”… Answered Dion.

……….

“So when you saw me taking my pants off, what were you thinkin’?… Asked Shera.

“Thoughts that I would need to spend all day in church repenting to the lord about”… Answered Dion.

……….”… Responded Shera.

And these stares went on until they were interrupted by the sound of the washing machines that had Dion’s clothes in it cycling down – And shortly thereafter, off –  signaling that they had gone through the washing and cleansing process. So Dion – For the next few minutes – took his eyes off of Shera to take his clothes out of the four washing machines, before placing them into the dryers, and inserting the change needed to run the dryers to dry his large batch of clothes…

And once done with this task, Dion turned around to the sight of…

Shera bent over on the counter where you place your clothing basket, washing powder, bleach, and other whatnot on when you walk into the laundromat… With the towel that was covering her pantsless waist now sitting a few inches in front of her on the counter…

……………”… Responded Dion.

“I’m sure I don’t have to explain what to do next… Do I?…”… Stated Shera.

“But ain’t you a Christian God Fearing Woman who…”…

Was the thought Dion was thinking… But after taking a ….., he walked behind Shera, and pulled her pure black panty briefs down to just above her knee, before pulling his pants and boxers down to two or three inches below his butt… And after groping and getting a feel of her butt for a few seconds, Dion inserted and penetrated his hard as the fifth track off Mos Def’s The New Danger album dick into Shera’s slippery when wet pussy…

……………….

And as Dion got more into going in and out of Shera, he needed to grab onto something, so that he wouldn’t ….., and bust his ass, so he grabbed onto the corner of the counter for leverage, as he continued going in and out of her like he was a quarterback for the Cleveland Browns

……….

And as Shera closed her eyes for a few seconds and moaned in pleasure to herself, Dion was getting ready to park the car into the garage, so he took a few more strokes of Shera’s tropical-like pussy, before finally pulling out for good… But before he accomplished said pulling out, some of Dion’s cum shot out of his dick, and into Shera’s tight and slippery pussy

But nevertheless, once Dion had fully exited Shera’s pussy, he deposited the remainder of his cum onto her lower back and left buttcheek…

………………..

And soon thereafter, Dion pulled his pants and boxers up from just below his butt to back up to where they belong, as he got himself situated… And Shera pulled her pure black panty briefs back up, and placed the towel back around her waist… And just over a minute and a half later…

……….

So Shera made her way to the dryers to take her clothes out of them, and after sorting through them for a couple of minutes, she identified the reddish pink pants that she took off around an hour ago, and put them back on, as she took the robe off from her waist….

………………..

“You have a blessed day Mr. Dion”… Said Shera.

“You to Ms. Shera”… Responded Dion.

And after the two stared at each other for a couple of seconds, Shera exited the laundromat, and went on about her day… And Dion stayed in the laundromat until the two dryers he had his clothes in buzzed, signaling that that the drying process had concluded. So he took the clothes out of the dryers and put them into his large clothing basket, before soon thereafter leaving the laundromat, and making his way back to his apartment…

And after spending around two thirds of an hour situating and putting his clothes away, Dion checked his phone

“Hey bae… We still on 4 2nite”? Said The Text Message.

“Of course Charisma…. Just finished washing my clothes”… Responded Dion.

……………………..

“Hey Charisma… When you comin over?… We gotta finish dis Luke Cage show”… Wrote Dion.

“Get off work at noon, and then gotta pay some bills… I’ll be over around 2:30”… Replied Charisma.

“Cool… See u then 😙😘😍”… Responded Dion.

And then Dion went to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast… Ya know… Because it’s already been a long morning ……….

Santa and Phoebe

“Oh the weather outside wasn’t so frightful,

and the fire ain’t that delightful (since there isn’t one),

and since my old car is preventing me from going to the place I want to go…

I need a new car, I need a new car, I need a new car”.

 

Okay, that wasn’t the exact thoughts Phoebe Kramer was thinking precisely a week before Christmas, but it was in the frame of the thoughts she’s been having the last couple of months since her 2003 Ford Taurus broke down on her, and she doesn’t want to spend any amount of dough on a vehicle that was in it’s heyday when Mission Accomplished was still a popular thought…

But she still needs around fifteen hundred to two grand to buy a new car. She didn’t have any clue what car she wanted, but Phoebe needed a new car that was assembled in this decade…

But then – Like some outside force was trying to tell her something – while she was laying in her bed taking a break from a Netflix binge of Narco, Phoebe flipped the channel and stumbled upon a commercial for the 2015 Kia Sorento, and she instantly fell in love with it like she was the Sacramento Kings and the Kia was all the bad draft picks they’ve made over the last decade. In a nutshell, this is the car Phoebe wants. But since she had as much of a chance of buying this car as Lucious Lyon has of being a good father, she was gonna need a miracle to get it. Or…

Since it’s the holiday season, it’s that time of the year where wishes – Maybe – come true, so Phoebe got out of her bed to grab her laptop, before getting back in to write Santa an email…

 

“Dear Santa,

From the time I was five, I’ve written you a letter every year asking you for something… From the plaid “Clueless” miniskirt when I was seven, to wanting my own talking cat when I was ten, to bringing mommy and daddy back together when I was twelve, and most importantly, wanting to meet Veronica Mars when I was fifteen.

You didn’t answer any of my wishes, so I stopped believing in you. And also because my daddy told me that you’re nothing more than a creation from Capitalistic pigs to brainwash children to pester their parents until they (the parents) finally relent and spend most of their overworked and underpaid money on toys that they’re children will only enjoy for two months before they want the next new toy.

As I got older the more I realized that daddy was more or less right, but even tho I’m a grown adult, there’s still that six year old little girl in me who still wants to believe in you. Who still wants to believe in the spirit of Christmas.

So I know that you’re a very busy man, and get millions of letters a day, so I’m gonna get to the point…

A couple of months ago, I had a fender bender. It’ll cost a grand or so to fix my car, and another grand or so to buy a new one… And to be honest, all that couple grand will do is buy me a slightly better car… Which would still be a pretty shitty car.

So in one week when I wake up to go into the kitchen to pour me a glass of delicious eggnog, I’m then gonna walk to my Christmas tree… And I hope that you’ll answer my wish, and have the keys to the 2015 Kia Sorento in a shiny green and red box.

May you and Mrs. Claus have a pleasant remainder of the holiday season…

Sincerely,

Phoebe Kramer

 

Then Phoebe closed her laptop and went back to binge watching Narco on Netflix…

 

On December 21st, at The North Pole, Santa Claus finally got around to reading Phoebe’s email letter. He gets hundreds of thousands of these type of letters a day, but with all the disappointment in the letter, he felt a responsibility to respond back to her…

 

Dear Phoebe,

Thank you for writing me, and I appreciate all the letters that my fans and admirers send me… No matter how older or mature they’ve gotten. Now to your letter…

I receive millions of letters a day and try to read every last one of them, but your letter saddens me. It troubles me that you’re going down the same path of your father. I know it may be hard to believe, but your father use to be a very blissful youngster. The frenzy of enthusiasm on his face when he looked under the tree and saw the Atari 2600 that he had been pestering his parents about all year long… O the happiness was just paramount…

I remember the glee a couple of years later, when he got that Robin Yount Rookie Card that he had been searching for for a few years. He wrote to me that he would never ask me for anything else if I got that card for him. He of course didn’t keep that promise, but I understand… Kids say the darndest things (Writers Note: Don’t worry. It’s a link to the original host of the show and not the second host… And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, a simple Google Search will answer that question for ya)…

But the happiest I ever saw your father Phoebe was the Christmas before you were born. Your mom was supposed to visit your dad (who had moved to another town because of a job. Your mother was still in school)  So anyway, a large snowstorm hit the area a few days before Christmas, so no one was getting in or out. And this bummed both of them out because they hadn’t seen each other in months. Your father wrote me asking for a miracle to get your mother to him. And to make a long story short, I pulled a couple of strings, and on Christmas morning, there was a knock on your father’s door, and your mother was on the other side. And weeelll… You don’t need to know what the two did over the next few days, but you were born nine months… So that pretty much gives it away.

I’m only telling you all this because I wanted you to know that your father was indeed a happy person earlier in his life… But after your parents divorced, it destroyed your father. I don’t need to go into details about that, since you had a front row seat to it, but I’m just sayin’ that your father isn’t the best person you want to go to to form your opinion of me.

Now there are multitude of reasons on why I couldn’t get those presents you mentioned in your letter to me, but the wish of getting your parents back together is above my pay grade. That’s all I can say about that…

So on to your current wish…

Santa gets a lot of requests for new cars every year… Too many to count to be honest, so I only have a finite number of vehicles that my elfs and I can deliver a year. And unfortunately, that list is already filled. So I’m sorry that I can’t grant your wish this season. I can forward your wish to The Birthday Wish Granter and tell him that your wish is more of a priority. So that can help. I can also get your car fixed, free of charge.

O now would you look at the time, Santa has to get back to join the elfs in wrapping the presents that I’ll be delivering in a few days. Once again, Santa is sorry he couldn’t grant your wish at this time… But I will definitely leave something under your tree, because you’ve been such a good girl… Or should I say woman, this year (emoji here)…

May you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and beyond…

Sincerely,

Santa Claus

 

A handful of hours after Santa had sent his letter to Phoebe, she checked her email, and was absolutely ecstatic to had gotten a reply from Santa, but that excitement quickly subsided when she actually read the letter. A temporary sadness enveloped her body, before anger took over. So Phoebe sent this reply back to Santa…

 

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU YOU FAT FOUR EYED BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVEN’T ASKED YOU FOR ANYTHING FOR A WHOLE FUCKING DECADE. AND NOW WHEN I ASK YOU FOR SOMETHING THAT I REALLY NEED, YOU TELL ME THAT I DIDN’T WRITE YOU IN FUCKING TIME??? YOU’RE FUCKING SANTA, YOU CAN GET ANYTHING AT ANY FUCKING TIME…

I’M A GROWN FUCKING WOMAN SANTA, ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS TELL ME THAT YOU’RE NOT GONNA GRANT MY WISH…

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY FATHER IS 100% RIGHT ABOUT.YOU… I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON A FRUITCAKE AND DIE…

SINCERELY… NO FUCK YOU, YOU DON’T DESERVE THAT TYPE OF FUCKING COURTESY,

A PISSED OFF EX BELIEVER IN SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Phoebe hit the send button on her angry email, and then went to her fridge to pour herself a glass of eggnog and whiskey

 

Santa was busy with the elfs packaging the presents and getting the coordinates for the routes that he’s gonna be on Christmas Eve and morning, so he didn’t immediately see Phoebe’s response. But in the late hours of the next night, one of the elfs (a female named Susklahava (Pronounced Shush-Kla-Hava)) told Santa that he really needs to read Phoebe’s response to him. Santa fell asleep before he had the chance to read it, but he woke up a couple of hours later (Santa ain’t gettin that much rest this time of year), and finally read it. He was speechless and emotionless. Santa doesn’t get many of these type of letters… But still, the vitriol and disappointment from Phoebe really affected Santa (by taking all of his jolly emotions away). Santa seriously contemplated writing another letter to Phoebe, but felt this situation had escalated to a more direct action…

So in the early morning hours of Christmas Eve Eve, Phoebe’s phone ranged, and when she picked it up it was Santa. He told her that her letter really made an impact on him. And then he said to her that he wanted to talk to her in person about this situation. Phoebe didn’t know what to say. When she vented at Santa in her letter, she thought that would be it, but now that he had responded back, Phoebe didn’t know how to respond…

So Santa did the responding by telling Phoebe that he’s going to send one of his elfs to come get her, so that the two can talk face to face.

Around twenty minutes later, Sundamar (Pronounced Sun-Da-Mar) – One of Santa’s top elfs – arrived at the door of Phoebe. And after she answered it, Sundamar introduced himself to Phoebe, and the two had a quick conversation before they went outside to a high tech looking Sleigh (Writer’s Note: I scoured the web looking for a suitable pic and couldn’t find one that I liked, so I encourage you to use your imagination) and began making there way to The North Pole…

The trip to the North Pole was a rather quick one, but long in experience and knowledge for Phoebe. She was astonished at the sheer size of the land. The North Pole is the size of Texas, Alaska, and California (Writer’s Note: I tried looking for a pic to demonstrate the size but couldn’t find one. Sorry)  combined… With the comfort of living in a Vermont lodge. Phoebe wanted to take a tour of the ginormous land, but Santa is a busy man – Particularly at this time of year – and his time is precious, so Sundamar led her to a small cafe named The Blizzard Tundra (Writer’s Note: Get use to this name, because I’m gonna use this name again – More than likely in this story -, because it’s just too damn good), and told her that Santa will be here in a couple of minutes….

Two minutes and three seconds later, Santa entered The Blizzard Tundra, and Phoebe was astonished by the size and fashion of him…

Santa stood around the height of Kristaps Porzingis. In the size department, Santa is approximately eighty percent of what you think he looks like… He’s definitely rotund in shape, but much more big boned than fat… Like a defensive lineman in football (and if you wanna call that man fat, then I’ll just start planning your funeral right now). Now Santa – Of course – has the very thick mustache, beard, and eyebrows, but it’s not white like the Rocky Mountain snow or the Oscars, but more of a platinum color. Now the one area of Santa’s face that is white are his pearly white teeth. Now that is the eighty percent part. Now the twenty percent part is Santa’s fashion choice…

He didn’t have on his signature red and white suit. He instead had on a platinum colored listening to The Chronic on your Walkman era  tracksuit, and had on a pair of white and red Air Jordan VI‘s to complete the look.

Anyway, Santa could sense that Phoebe was mesmerized by his appearance, so he said to her,

”Yes I am real Phoebe… But there are a lot of fables about me, and one of the most misconceptions is that I always walk around in my red and white suit… And yes, I do sometimes, but I’m just like you people down there… I like to wear numerous outfits… And quite frankly I’ma let ya in on a secret, I mostly only wear that red outfit to make the little children happy”.

Phoebe stared at Santa for a few seconds, before she asked him pretty much – One of – the same question she asked in her original letter to him…

“Why didn’t you ever get the presents I asked you for when I was younger… Or at least write me back”???

“I’m a busy man. Although I grant millions of wishes a year, it’s only a fraction of the billions of letters I get yearly”. Answered Santa.

Then he went on to say to further explain himself to Phoebe…

“Although you ripped me a new one in your last letter, I still feel like I owe you more of explanation why I can’t grant your wish at this time…

If you asked me for literally millions of other things I could get it to you with no problem… But a car is one of those high priority items that there are only so many that I can give out a year. And I especially can’t get you a forty thousand dollar car on such a short notice. I already offered to get your car fixed… How about I throw in an extra five grand under your tree, and that should help you with a down payment for a new car… Since I know you really want one”…

Phoebe stared at Santa for a few seconds, before she said to him.

“I can tell that you really wanna help me out, but I don’t want a new car… I want the Kia Sorento. I’ll look so good in it. I won’t have to worry about having car troubles for the next five years or so… Which is very important as I go between school and my job”.

Santa once again explained to Phoebe why he couldn’t get that Kia Sorento to her at this time… And Phoebe once again explained to Santa that she wouldn’t accept anything less than the Kia Sorento, so the two spent the following couple of minutes going back and forth with their viewpoints, when suddenly Phoebe put her hand on Santa’s thigh and proceeded to say to him,

“I’m willing to do anything to get this new car.. And when I say anything”…

Phoebe then got up from her seat and positioned herself a couple of feet in front of Santa, and then proceeded to gyrate her hips from side to side for enough time to have Santa to start thinking about some unholiday season thoughts. Phoebe then placed her right hand on the back of her head to pull out the elastic rubber hair band that was keeping her ponytail in place. Then she shook her head a few times to let her long silky blonde hair drop halfway down her back.

Now Santa didn’t know how to react. He had a myriad of thoughts going on in his mind that had temporarily frozen him, and a few more thoughts would be added to that list as Santa watched Phoebe take off her blue tank top blouse… And because she decided not to wear a bra today, Santa got a close up view of Phoebe’s perky 40B Jollies. Then a few seconds later, she began disrobing of her forest green colored jogging parts… And just like with her upper body, Phoebe didn’t have any garments on her lower body either, so her smooth as a Sade R&B jam mons pubis was in plain sight for Santa.

Now with her upper and lower bodies as bare as a group of naked ladies, the only clothing related accessory on Phoebe’s body were her white tennis shoes. She stood there in silence for a handful of more seconds to allow Santa to view her five feet six inches tall, slim and toned midsection, as well as her feminine mainstream appeal looking thighs, before she said to him…

(In a sexy high tone voice) “So Santa… I know you’ve told me numerous times that you can’t get that Kia Sorento that I desperately want… But I’m wondering is there something that you… And I could do that would persuade you to change your mind”???

Although the average temperature in the North Pole is minus thirty-five degrees (Fahrenheit), there was a heatwave going on in The Blizzard Tundra. Sweat was perspiring out of Santa’s forehead like water coming out of a facet, and “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness” were in the spirit of delivering some season greetings. So Santa said to Phoebe…

“I… I’ll make some calls and see what I can do”…

That wasn’t the answer Phoebe was going for, so she asked Santa…

“Can you play some music”???

Santa stared at Phoebe for a couple of seconds, before he said,

“Atomic Daydream (the nickname for Santa’s Entertainment System)… Play music”…

And before you could blink, Kurtis Burner’s (one of the top music artists in the North Pole… And yes, you’ll be hearing a lot more of him as this story progresses) version of White Christmas began playing. This wasn’t exactly the type of music Phoebe had in mind, but after around ten seconds or so, she adjusted and began getting into it.

Phoebe seductively danced in front of Santa for a half minute or so, before she turned around to allow him to get a better view of her mainstream appeal backside packages. Then she attempted to bring her backside packages together, and even tho a skill like that is better left to the more experienced, Santa was nevertheless impressed with Phoebe… But then a sense of realness hit him. So he said to her…

“This is wrong… This is wrong on so many levels. Santa can’t do this. Santa can’t have a special relation with you Phoebe. It’s unfair to all of the millions and millions of Santa’s fans and admirers. It would break the trust that Santa has spent decades building. If Santa has a relation with you Phoebe, then he’s no better than a person accepting the highest offer or other exceptional benefits… I know down there y’all call them Politicians (Writer’s Note: Here’s another article that I think you will find interesting. I would say hope you enjoy it… But honestly, you shouldn’t), but up here in The North Pole, we have different expectations. Not to throw any shade, but I have to be honest”…

Phoebe stared at Santa for a few seconds, before she said to him…

“With all due respect Santa, but what the fuck are you talking about”???

Then Phoebe took a seat on Santa’s porkly lap and began grinding on it like Zach Randolph does for the Grizzlies every night for around a minute and a quarter. And of course “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness” were very pleased by this development, so Santa placed both of his hands on Phoebe’s backside packages and caressed them like Sundamar and Susklahava did with each other on their post Christmas date a few days from now. This went on for a bit before Phoebe asked Santa…

“When’s the last time Mrs. Claus made you feel this way Santa”???

“Santa and Mrs. Claus have a more traditional romantic life… But Santa has been trying to get her more into the open romantic activities you younger kids do now… But Santa doesn’t want to think about Mrs. Claus right now… Santa wants to know more about you Phoebe”… Answered Santa.

“How does my bottom feel to you Santa”??? Asked Phoebe

“ Like a delicious fruitcake that’s just been taken out the oven”. Answered Santa.

“Well that’s not an answer I was expecting… But I’m assuming that a just baked fruitcake is soft and tender… And that’s good for that, but we’re talking about my bottom… And soft and tender is not what I want as it pertains to that..

I like to exercise frequently Santa. I go to the gym three, sometimes four days a week. That’s how I maintain this body and keep my little bottom firm… And since my car incident, It’s been hard to get my workout in with my school and work schedule, and that really upsets me. How am I gonna maintain this bottom if I can’t get my workout in Santa??? That’s why I need this Sorento Santa… I need you to grant this wish for me”…

Phoebe then gave Santa a sad face for a few seconds, before she gave him a long kiss on his left rosey red cheek. and afterward, the two stared at each other in a… Way, before they began locking lips with one another. Santa and Phoebe exchanged their fair share of romantic syrup in their handful of minutes of kissing each other, and when that came to it’s conclusion, she asked to him…

“You know Santa, everyone is always telling you what they want for Christmas… But when’s the last time someone asked you what do you want??? Who thinks of the tall gentle platinum colored hair giant in the tracksuit”???

“Well… Santa does have his wants… But Santa’s job is to deliver joy and happiness to millions and millions of people throughout the world, so it’s not about him. Santa gets….”

Phoebe cut off Santa because she could feel “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness” pressed against her back left thigh, so she had an idea of what he wanted right now. So Phoebe placed her right index finger on Santa’s lips, and stood up from his lap to pull down the bottom part of his platinum tracksuit. And Phoebe was in for a surprise when she saw that Santa didn’t have any underwear on. So Santa proceeded to tell her that he forgot to put his briefs on today.

So anyway, Phoebe placed her right hand on “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness”, and began giving it the attention it’s been seeking for the past handful – Pun unintended – of minutes. And after playing and caressing it for a bit, some sticky light frosting began oozing out of “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness”, but instead of it being a clearish color, it instead was a chiffon color. Phoebe stared at it for a few seconds before Santa said to her…

“You know Phoebe, Mrs. Claus tells me that it tastes minty. She sometimes uses it as a mouth freshener when she runs out of toothpaste… Or even when she doesn’t”.

Then Santa gave Phoebe a smile more appropriate for Valentine’s Day than for the holiday season.

“You are a naughty fuck”!… Said a “I can be down with that” Phoebe.

Then she placed her hand up to her mouth to sample the taste of Santa’s light frosting… And indeed, Santa wasn’t bullshittin’, it did tasted minty. So minty that…

“You taste like a candy cane Santa”. Said Phoebe

“Where do you think they get that secret ingredient taste from”??? Asked a smiling Santa.

The two continued to smile at one another until Phoebe went back to feeling on “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness”. She continued this until Mini Santa wasn’t so mini anymore, and that’s when she once again got up from Santa’s lap… But this time it was only to get herself into a better position, as she widened her legs and slowly descended on top of “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness”, as the warmness from her Woman Oven encased Mini Santa and began tightening its grip on it.

Phoebe and her “Woman Oven” bounced up and down on “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness” for the following foreseeable distant future as sweat and passion dripped from their foreheads to down the rest of their torsos. And as the “Women Oven” got warmer and tighter, Mini Santa expanded in length and girth. And that inspired Phoebe to tell the husky man in the platinum tracksuit…

“Santa… You’re so endowed. I don’t know if I can take anymore. You’re gonna pop my kitty out of socket”…

“Well Santa guesses that he’s gonna have to get you a new kitty cat for Christmas”. Replied Santa.

“Oh Santa, I would love a new kitty. I love the one I have, but it’s getting old and senile. Responded Phoebe.

Both Phoebe and Santa breathed and panted heavily for a few more seconds, before he said to her…

“You know Phoebe, Santa specializes in giving females new kitties. The old ones have a tendency to be put out of service after their meeting with Santa”…

Then Santa picked Phoebe up from her waist as he stood up, and a few seconds later, Mini Santa thrust himself deeper into her “Woman Oven”, and it was at this time that Phoebe learned that indeed a male’s lower body organ could go that deep into her. So she let out a loud…

“O GOD!!! O GOD!!! O GOD!!! THIS FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD”!!!

“O that’s not God Phoebe Janelle Kramer… He’s is an awesome God… But what you’re experiencing is only an experience that Santa can give you”…

Then Santa resumed – Unintentionally – trying to reorganize Phoebe’s “Woman Oven” as she let him know how much she was enjoying it…

Although it felt like Phoebe and Santa were going on an eternal marathon, their rendezvous was coming to an end, as “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness” was ready to release his creamy frosting into her warm as a Summer any day on South Beach “Woman Oven”…

And afterward, as Phoebe and Santa were putting their clothes back on, she asked him the obvious question…

“So are you gonna be able to get that Sorento for me Santa?… You know that I really need it”…

“You’ve only mentioned this to Santa ten thousand times in our brief meeting… But Santa will make a phone call to his people. Santa can’t guarantee you anything, but he will try his best”. Answered Santa.

“Well try as hard as you can Santa”… Said Phoebe.

Anyway, Phoebe finished putting her clothes back on, as she and Santa small talked for a minute or so, before Sundamar arrived inside The Blizzard Tundra to take her back home.

When Phoebe returned back to her place, she had quite an appetite, so she walked a couple of blocks over to The Yummy Tummy, a retro like restuarant that has a lot of elements of a diner, but also modern elements of a cafe. So anyway, Phoebe ordered a couple of Bacon wrapped Tofu Dogs, and a side order of pickles as the main meal, with a medium cup Mason jar of Tall, Dark, & Handsome Coffee Beer to quench her thirst. And for her sweet tooth fix, she ordered a bowl of Strawberry Ice Cream, with Salted Caramel sauce as topping… Plus a few mini doughnut balls to top it off… And if you’re wondering why would such a fitness buff like Phoebe order something like this??? Well because it’s the Holiday season, so yolo… And two, when you’re in great shape like her, you can eat like this from time to time…

Now anyway, Phoebe ate and chatted with some employees and friends at The Yummy Tummy before she went back home to catch some zzzzz’s…

 

On a very unseasonably warm Christmas morning (the weather had changed drastically in two days), Phoebe got up from her bed and after going to the bathroom to wash her face and to get her bearings together, she went to her kitchen to pour herself a heaping glass of delicious eggnog. Phoebe went on to enthusiastically drink just over half of the cup before she made her way to the Christmas tree which was in the front room. She took another gulp from the glass, before she looked down to see a couple of green, red, and white boxes. One of the boxes was as small as the Cleveland Browns chances of ever going to a Super Bowl, so Phoebe opened that box first…

And seconds after she opened it, the smile on Phoebe’s face was childlike as she she saw some keys and a note telling her to look outside her window. Phoebe did that and saw a chocolate covered 2016 Kia Sorento sitting out front. She then jumped up and down in joy and elation for almost a minute, before she looked back down to read more of the note…

“I hope you appreciate just how many hoops Santa had to jump through to get you this car Phoebe. He had to call in some favors, so take real good care of this car…

And P.S. Santa threw in a five year Protection and Maintenance plan for ya as well… So if you have an issue, you won’t have to go in your pockets to pay for it…

Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas”…

And after finishing reading the note Phoebe went back to jumping up and down in joy and elation. And eventually, when her excitement had returned back to a – Somewhat – normal level, she grabbed her the car keys and was about to head out the door for a test drive, but then Phoebe remembered the other box that was under the tree as well. So she walked back over to it to see what could possibly be in the large box…

And just like when she opened the first box, Phoebe had a huge smile on his face… But this one was for a much different reason…

In the box was a snow white and green kitten. The two stared at each other for a handful of seconds until Phoebe picked it up and began stroking the cat… And the cat responded by meowing for the next quarter of a minute.

Anyway, Phoebe eventually looked back into the big box again and saw another note…

“I know you’re old kitty may be getting old and senile, and is about to be put out of service, so Santa had to get you a new one. Just don’t let anyone pop this kitty out of socket 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 :)”…

Phoebe cracked a smile that was more appropriate fifty-five days earlier than it is for a day like this for awhile, before she went back to the table that has the car keys to grab them. She then decided that she and the little kitten were going to go on a celebratory joy ride. And as she was putting the seatbelt on the kitten, that’s when Phoebe came with the name for little kitty…

“I’m gonna name your cute little self Kitty Poppins”.

So Phoebe and Kitty Poppins rode and smiled in their brand spankin new 2016 Kia Sorento, as “White Christmas” played on the “I can see my complexion on this very shiny” car radio…

The Michael and Virginia Story Chapter VIII: Southern Hospitality And Potato Salad

The following morning at four fifty, Virginia got out of bed to begin her work day, as she went to the bathroom to shower. And after getting done with that, she got dressed and grabbed something to eat from the fridge, before finally leaving her apartment at five forty two… And as she was walking out the door, Virginia was checking out the Weather app on her phone, and that’s when she remembered that she still has Michael’s umbrella… But she decided that she would hold onto it for a little longer, to see how much he really wanted it back…

So anyway, Virginia arrived at the bus stop at five forty nine, and Michael joined her a couple of minutes later…

“It’s a clear morning… A far cry from yesterday”… Said Michael.

“Yeah… And relatively warm… For this time of year…

……….

O yeah… I forgot to bring back your umbrella… I’ll bring it to you tomorrow”… Responded Virginia.

“I’m off tomorrow… And Sunday… So…”… Replied Michael.

And Virginia responded by staring at Michael for a few seconds…

……….

“I know you told me that you have to work on Thanksgiving… So I was thinking how bout I make you that home cooked meal on a day you have off”… Said Michael.

“Seriously?… You really wanna make me this meal”… Replied Virginia.

………. ”… Responded Michael.

“I have Monday and Tuesday off… So how bout one of those days”… Replied Virginia.

“I work on those days… How bout late Sunday afternoon or evening… You do work the morning shift dontcha”?… Asked Michael.

“Yeah I do… But… You know what… Yeah you can come over around four or five… I can use the company”… Answered Virginia.

…..

“So what kind of food do you like”?… Asked Michael.

“Honestly…”… Replied Virginia.

And then Sycamore Route pulled up to the bus stop…

And Michael allowed Virginia to board it first…

“You get on first”… Said Virginia.

………. … Okay”… Replied Michael.

So Michael boarded the bus and swiped his bus pass card, before going to take a seat near the front of the bus… And Virginia followed shortly thereafter, and sat next to him…

……….

“So what kind of food do you like”?… Asked Michael.

“Huh?… Ah yeah… Um…

(Writer’s Note: I really wanted to insert a person sucking their teeth sound effect link, because you know… – SOME – people do that before they’re about to say something, but the only two I found sucked – Pun unintended -, and looking for a picture of someone doing it was… Well, see for yourself ….. ….. ….. ….. ….. … And the last two links – Which were the first two that I looked for – honestly put me in a bad mood for a handful of minutes… Who would think that searching for a picture of someone sucking their teeth would produce such loaded search results… Which is the reason why I inserted this Writer’s Note… And one more thing… Google and Bing really suck ass… Now back to the story…)

… I like a lot of foods… Pork, beef, chicken, lamb… I pretty much like all meats… I would say that the one food that I loathe is potato salad… Well not just potato salad, but salads in general”… Answered Virginia.

“Why’s that”?… Asked Michael.

“I don’t know… It’s just that they’re not tasty… I’m always more hungry after I eat one than before…

My best friend. Karla, loves salads… She adds chicken and turkey and bacon and beef and whatnot in them… And I feel like if you have to put meat in it, then why not just take the vegetables out of it, and put some bread, mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, and mustard on it?… It’ll be much tastier”… Answered Virginia.

“Well I love salads... Try to eat one as much as I can… It’s literally one of the most versatile meals out there… You can do so much with it… You can have an all vegetable salad… You can have vegetables with fruits mixed in salad… You can have a combination of vegetables and meats salad… You can add fruits, nuts, grains, beans to change the texture of a salad… The options are limitless… Plus you can add many varieties of cheeses to the salad, as well as the different dressings and oils you can use as toppings…There’s just so much that you can do with salads…

You’re friend and I should meet up one day… We can swap recipes with each other”… Responded Michael.

“Well me and salads are like politicians and decency… Were never going to like each other”… Replied Virginia.

……….

“So I guess I should rule out making a salad then…”… Said Michael.

“O no… I would never tell you what to make… I’ll just kindly deposit it into the waste bin when you leave… I am a Southern Belle”… Replied Virginia.

(Writer’s Note:  I’ve always wondered why southern women love to call themselves a Southern Belle… And there are a couple of articles that I came across that does some explaining about the problem with that term, and the culture behind it…You can read them if you want… But personally I’ve always had a question about the south… And Michael is about to ask Virginia that question…)

“I’m assuming that Southern Belle means a nice woman…

…..

… Which I think is a close relative to Southern Hospitality… So why do you people in the south do such inhospitable things?…

………………..

So I read the book you recommended for me…”… Said Virginia.

“Uh… O yeah… Those books… So which one are you talkin’ about”?… Asked Michael.

“What Are You Thinking About Miss Hurley?…”” Answered Virginia.

“So what did you think about it”?… Asked Michael.

“I enjoyed it… It had some unexpected twists that I didn’t expect… The author of the story has a unique way to explain things”… Replied Virginia.

“Glad you liked liked it”… Responded Michael.

……….

“Ohhhhh… I forgot to bring you back your umbrella… And I really needed it yesterday coming home, because it was pouring”… Said Virginia.

“Well you’re welcome… I’ll get it on Sunday”… Replied Michael.

And a couple of minutes later, Sycamore Route arrived at the complex…

“So I’ll see you on Sunday… I’ll make sure to not make any salads”… Said Michael.

…..

Okay… See you then”… Replied Virginia.

And then Michael and Virginia parted ways to head to their respective jobs…

What Are You Thinking About Miss Hurley?… Chapter I: This Is Not The Popsicle I Wanna Suck On

Meanwhile, after returning home and warming some food in the microwave, Virginia laid in her bed to watch some tv. And after not being that interested in the current programming on tv, she began browsing the web on her phone. And she spent around fifteen to twenty minutes scouring through Amazon deciding on if she would purchase some books to add to her library… And at this time, Virginia wasn’t that enthused with her options. So she went to the notes section of her phone to check out the books that Michael had recommended to her…

And after thinking about it for a minute or so, Virginia decided to check out, “What Are You Thinking About Miss Hurley?…”… The title was intriguing, and she was actually interested in what was Miss Hurley really thinking about?…

And the story started out rather bland…

Miss Hurley was at a neighborhood get together… And she was sitting at a table with a neighbor in conversation, but it was mostly one way, as she just sat there and stared into the oblivion, while consuming a popsicle…

So anyway, the neighbor that was sitting with Miss Hurley had to leave to go do something, and Miss Hurley asked her to go into the kitchen to get her another popsicle… And when the neighbor returned with a couple of popsicles, Miss Hurley began consuming one of them (an artificial cherry flavorBecause what’s natural these days anyway?…)…

(Writer’s Note: Here’s an interesting article about the rise of butt implants in England. It’s very caucasiancentric… But obviously a lot of people are into caucasian women… And you probably want them to have a nice sizable backside… Hence the reason for the article in the first place)

Anyway, after sitting there by her lonesome for a few minutes, Olin – A neighbor’s college age son – walked up to Miss Hurley…

“You know this is a festive celebration Miss Hurley”…

“O I’m sorry Olin… I’m just not having a good day”… Responded Miss Hurley”…

“What’s wrong”?… Asked Olin.

“Nothing… It’s just… It’s just adult issues”… Replied Miss Hurley.

“You know I am an adult Miss Hurley… I may be in the “Barely Legal” demographic, but I am an adult”… Responded Olin.

“Ah yeah… You are… You just have such an olive oil face that I forgot that you are a young adult man”… Replied Miss Hurley.

“I can assure you that I’m very experienced Miss Hurley… Having a babyface has it’s upsides

(……………)

… So what’s your issue?… Asked Olin.

Popsicles”… Answered Miss Hurley.

“Come again”… Responded Olin.

“That’s exactly the problem… I’m not cuming

Toby hasn’t been able to satisfy my… Sweet tooth the past couple of months… And I’m a woman who particularly loves her sweets… I can’t handle his recent sweet deficiency”… Replied Miss Hurley.

And then she went to take a bite out of the top of the popsicle…

“Miss Hurley… I’m saddened to see you look so sour… I mean my parents have always taught me to be a charitable young man… So if you want, I’m willing to donate my time and popsicle to help you satisfy your sweet tooth”… Responded Olin.

……….

“That’s very charitable of you Olin…

……………

… Take a seat…

………………..

… I’m a little hot in here… I need some fresh air… If you want you can join me…”… Said Miss Hurley.

And then she got up to leave the neighbor’s house, as Olin followed shortly thereafter… And after walking around the block for a few minutes…

“Lemme see your popsicle”… Stated Miss Hurley.

And after staring at her for a hot second, Olin unbuttoned his pants, and lowered it to the midpoint of his waist and knees, as his popsicle and two scoops came into view for Miss Hurley…

…………………….

Extensive… Thick… Salacious… Invigorating… Thirst Quenching… Let’s go…”… Responded Miss Hurley.

And then Miss Hurley and Olin made their way to her home to…

And at this point, Virginia realized that, “What Are You Thinking About Miss Hurley?…” is the type of story that she normally doesn’t read… But since she’s already invested the time into it already… Might as well see where this goes…

So anyway, when Miss Hurley and Olin were inside her home, the two began making out with each other, like they were two people who really wanted to ….. … And after engaging in some foreplay, and divesting of their clothing…

“Lay down… I like to ride like a cowgirl”… Said Miss Hurley.

And once Olin was on the bed, Miss Hurley slowly got on top of his popsicle, as to not hurt him… Because you know… Miss Hurley isn’t exactly a runway model framed woman, and if she wasn’t careful, she could really hurt Olin, and his extensive… Thick… Salacious… Invigorating… And very thirst quenching… Popsicle and two scoops…

So anyway, Miss Hurley placed, “Popsicle and Two Scoops” inside of her, “Woman Oven”, and the countdown until it would melt because of the warmness officially began…

And Miss Hurley sat there for a few seconds with her eyes closed, gathering her coitus thoughts, before she slowly began gyrating back and forth… And shortly thereafter, pleasurable noises began escaping her mouth…

And Olin… He laid there enjoying the warmness of Miss Hurley’s “Woman Oven”, and the rest of her prosperous body, as he just placed his arms around her waist and enjoyed the ride…

……….   ……….

So by now, both Miss Hurley and Olin were into the smashing, as she placed her hands on the bedrest, and intensified her cowgirl riding… And he took his hands away from her waist, and placed them on her sensational cakes, before commencing to softly slap them…

……….   ……….

And then Olin said to Miss Hurley…

“Miss Hurley… I want you to turn around, so I can see more of …..”…

So Miss Hurley got off Olin for a few to turn around, as she got into the reverse cowgirl position and faced Olin’s feet… Before resuming riding “Popsicle and Two Scoops”…

And around just under two fifths of a minute later, Olin took his hands off Miss Hurley’s hips and upper sensational cakes region, and spread them as wide as you can with a supersized cake, before placing his right hand – Primarily his index finger – inside the balloon knot (And yeah… in case you don’t know what this means)… And Miss Hurley responded by uttering…

……….

And soon thereafter Olin took his index finger out of Miss Hurley’s creamy sensational cakes and tasted the tang of it… And yes, he’s that thirsty… And yes, Miss Hurley does have very tasty cakes… And yes, Olin did put his index finger back into the balloon knot of Miss Hurley’s sensational cakes… And this time, he spent a handful of seconds moving his hands in, out, and throughout the insides of the cakes. And Miss Hurley once again responded by…

……….

And she kept riding Olin’s “Popsicle and Two Scoops” for the following handful of minutes, before he said to her…

“I’m about to ooze Miss Hurley… I’m about to ooze”…

So Miss Hurley hopped off the ride of Olin’s “Popsicle and Two Scoops”, before seconds later, beginning to suck on it in anticipation of all that creamy goodness…

And to further stimulate Olin’s “Popsicle and Two Scoops”, Miss Hurley placed her right hand on the two scoops, and cupped them like she was going through a carton of eggs to chose the perfect one to make that picture perfect omelet… Which caused Olin to ….. … And finally, a couple of handful of seconds later, the “Popsicle and Two Scoops” finally began oozing the creamy goodness she’s been feenin’ for the last couple of months… And it filled up her mouth like a stock model who just loves herself some chocolate cake, as Olin moaned in blissfulness…

Meanwhile, as Miss Hurley and Olin were finishing up their… “Rendezvous” in the fictional world, back in the real world Virginia was coming to the conclusion of her cuming… As her fingers were lathered with the juices of her vaginal walls from the masturbation she was doing from reading this very titillating story. And afterward, she was drained from the combination of her long work day and the reading of “What Are You Thinking About Miss Hurley?…”, so Virginia turned the screen off her phone, and went to sleep…

So I’m assuming you wanna know how the Miss Hurley and Olin “rendezvous” concluded?… Because Virginia climaxed right at the time when Olin climaxed, but some interesting tidbits occurred afterward…

And after filling her mouth with Olin’s “Popsicle and Two Scoops” creamy filling, Miss Hurley laid there on his groin for a few seconds, before…

“BITCH I HOPE YOU MADE RIGHT BY THE LORD, BECAUSE YOU BOUT TO DIE TONIGHT”!!!!!!!!!! Said a very passionate Toby.

And immediately afterward, both Miss Hurley and Olin jumped up in shock

“Bae… …..

……….

… It’s not what it looks like… I… I…”… Responded Miss Hurley.

“Bitch you think I’m stupid… I’ve been watching for the last few minutes…

(And after turning his attention – And just as important, his gun – towards Olin…)

… Why shouldn’t I just put one in your heart right now whippersnapper?… No that’s too easy… Stand the hell up”… Said Toby.

And after standing his just had sex naked body a few feet away from Toby, Olin said…

“Look I’m sorry you had to witness this Mr. Toby… I truly did not want you to find out about this… I am truly sorry… I saw that Miss Hurley had a problem that I thought I could fix, and… You know… You didn’t have aNeighbor Fantasywhen you were my age Mr. Toby”?…

(Writer’s Note: Here’s an extra pic… Because well… I find it interesting)

And Toby responded with a ….. stare for a few seconds, before moving his gun southward bound to his… “Popsicle and Two Scoops”…

“You got six seconds to convince me why I shouldn’t blow your nuts off whippersnapper”…

……….

“Look Toby… You haven’t been giving me what I need the last few monthsWhat do you expect a woman to do?… This ain’t the 1950’s Toby… A woman is not going to sacrifice her… Her pleasure because you refuse to do something about your problem”… Stated Miss Hurley.

“I told you that I’m having a problem getting it up because of work… I’m stressed as fuck right now… That’s what happens when you’re responsible for bringing home the eggs, the flour, and the milk”… Responded Toby.

“Fool… I make almost twice as much as you… I bring home the brisket and the oil to fry it in the pan for us to cook it… And I bring home the bread and condiments to turn it into a sandwich…”… Replied Miss Hurley.

“You know you don’t have to rip away my manhoodI’m a man, and it’s still my duty to provide for my woman… No matter what today’s society says”… Said an interrupting Toby.

“Just think if you had the same commitment to provide for your woman in another way, we wouldn’t be in this situation now would we?…

……….

Look all I ask for you is to go to the doctor and get prescribed some pills…”… Replied Miss Hurley.

“HELL NO!!!!! I’M A MAN… AND A REAL MAN DON’T NEED NO DAMN PILLS TO SATISFY HIS WOMAN”!!!!! Interrupting and simultaneously responding Toby.

And while Miss Hurley and Toby were having their dispute, Toby was ………. … Which eventually led to…

…..

And just where the hell you think you’re going whippersnapper?… Get your ass back in here”… Said Toby.

And as he – And his gun – was watching Olin make his way back to the bed, Miss Hurley said to her man…

“Let the boy go Toby… This is between us… He’s just a puppy”…

“O no… If he has the nuts to fuck my woman in my bed, then he has the nuts to face the consequences”… Replied Toby.

And seconds later…

…………………….

The Michael and Virginia Story Chapter VII: Lets Take A Moment And Analyze This Situation

Now because she has the type of job that requires you to put one hundred percent – Or damn close to it – of your energy into it, Virginia didn’t have time to think about the interactions she had with Michael until her break… And that’s when it hit her…

“Wait… Did I kiss Michael on the cheek?… Why did I do that?… He might think that I might have a crush on him… I mean I’m old enough to be his mother, and guys his age don’t look at women my age… Hell, men my age don’t look at women my age

But he’s the one that sat behind you, and offered you sweets, and initiated every interaction with you Virginia… I mean he’s letting you borrow his umbrella for God’s sake… That has to mean something?…

But what are you talking about Virginia… We’re talking about a damn umbrella… Not a coat or jacket or hoodie… It’s a damn umbrella… I mean he asked for your number because he wants it’s back… Not because he wants to do other things to you… Girl get real…

But what if he is actually attracted to me?… I mean he is handsome… He’s good with food, so you won’t have to spend all that time in the kitchen like you were with Kent… And he’s definitely going places… I mean why not?…

I mean you may be slightly older than the First Lady… But she’s at least one hundred and fifty pounds lighter than you… And she’s ….. ….. Okay… Don’t compare yourself to her Virginia… I mean you wouldn’t compare a rookie quarterback to an all time great, so just don’t…

……….

But still, big girls may not be in… Particularly big older women, but were not like the femullet either… There are men out there who prefer big girls… And some prefer big older girls… So maybe just maybe, Michael has a crush on me… And maybe those feelings are mutual”…

And while Virginia was going back and forth about whether Michael was crushing for her, or whether it’s a figment of her imagination, he had some thoughts about Virginia himself…

“So buddy… You got that kiss on the cheek earlier… Yeah, and it was grrrreat!… Like watching the team you grew up watching finally win that championship

I think she likes me… A woman doesn’t kiss you on the cheek if she doesn’t have some feelings for you… I mean would Hillary Clinton kiss Ken Starr on the cheek?… I mean short of it guaranteeing her the presidency, that’s not a scenario that I could imagine…

(Writer’s Note: I wrote this a month or so before the election, and I assumed given the other option, that HRC would become #45, but y’all know what the fuck happened… So let us just move on… And P.S. I spent the last few months saving quite a few HRC pictures on my computer so that I could use them over the coming years… And I’m still going to use them… It’s just going to be much more awkward now… And for the ….. who actually won the election – At least electorally -… Well lets just move on…)

But as I was saying… Virginia wouldn’t kiss me if she didn’t have feelings for me… And she gave me her number… She has to know that I’m gonna call to talk about a lot more than a damn umbrella… I mean she can have it… I can go buy another one for twenty bucks… And she has to know that if I didn’t wanted to ….., that I wouldn’t be giving all those desserts to her for free… And those books that I suggested to her are as coy as …..

So I think it’s time for me to accelerate this process… Which brings me closer to spreading open those two supersize me cheeks, and creaming all up in that azz…

O fuck yeah… Today has been a good day… And tomorrow is going to be even better”…

The Michael and Virginia Story Chapter VI: In Order To Get Wet In The Future You Have To Be Dry In The Present

At five forty-one in the morning, Virginia grabbed her jacket, and walked out of her apartment to make her way to the bus stop… And she was there by herself… But still, there was a surreal silence in the atmosphere… Like something was about to go down…

And a couple of minutes later, the darkened clouds began opening, and the rain began coming down… And since all that Virginia had on was a light sweater, she was going to bear the brunt of this torrential downpour. So she tried to do as much as possible to minimize her wetness by walking under the large tree that was nearby, and standing under it

And around the time it takes to live through the beginning of a decade to the end of it of minutes later, Michael was on his way to the bus stop. And he was surprised to not see Virginia… But after taking a closer examination of the area, he saw her standing under a tree. And he thought to himself, “Why”?… And as he got closer to her, he had his answer…

“Um Virginia… Why would you come out here without an umbrella”?… Asked a bemused Michael.

And then he went over to Virginia to suggest to her to get under the large umbrella…

“I didn’t watch the news before I left, so I didn’t know that it would be raining cats and dogs”… Answered Virginia.

“I don’t watch the news either… But I check the weather app on my phone before I leave every morning”… Replied Michael.

“Yeah I have a weather app on my phone too… I just forgot to check it”… Responded Virginia.

“You’re probably glad that I showed up when I did… Or you would’ve been like Forrest Gump in Vietnam”… Said Michael.

“Yeah I’m glad you did… But relatively speaking, this tree has kept me dry… I’m damp, but not soaking wet”… Responded Virginia.

“You know it’s suppose to rain pretty much all day”… Said Michael.

“Yeah I forgot that it rained around here, because it hasn’t rained much the past few months”… Replied Virginia.

“Yeah… But I’ve learned that weather around here can be pretty weird…

It’ll be sixty five degrees and sunny one day, and a day, day and a half later, it’s twenty five degrees, with four inches of snow on the ground”… Responded Michael.

“Yeah I like it here, but that’s the one thing that I really dislike about this area… The unpredictable weather”… Replied Virginia.

“Yeah and it’s about to get cold as well… I mean it’s cold now, but I mean the cold where you don’t wanna leave your home”… Said Michael.

“I can handle cold… To a certain point, but what I truly hate is snow… I walk a lot, and when it snows, that means ice ain’t that far behind… And I’m not trying to fall and bust my keister”… Replied Virginia.

“You read my mind… I hate snow because of ice… I think they call it black ice… And I like a lot of things black, but not ice

Why can’t it always be a sunny seventy something degree day… With a slight breeze that keeps you from burning up year round”?… Asked Michael.

“Yeah that’s called Central Florida… I lived there for a large part of my life… It’s a beautiful area… I miss it sometimes”… Replied Virginia.

“Don’t they have hurricanes down there?… Nah I can’t live in a place where I gotta worry about that… That’s why I prefer Southern California… I gotta worry about earthquakes and wildfires, but I’m less concerned about them than hurricanes”,,, Responded Michael.

“I personally prefer not to deal with any weather effects… But I guess there’s nowhere in the world where that’s possible… At least I haven’t heard of it”… Replied Virginia.

“Yeah… Exactly…

…………………….

… Man this bus sho is late”… Said Michael.

………………..

“So how did it go with the co-workers”?… Asked Virginia.

And before Michael could give his answer, Sycamore Route came into view. So he and Virginia got ready to board the bus… And Michael made sure to not let the umbrella down until she was completely on the bus. And after swiping his bus pass card, he went to sit behind Virginia…

“You know if you’re gonna sit behind me, you might as well sit next to me”… Said Virginia… As she turned around to tell Michael this.

“… Well okay”… Responded Michael.

And then he got up to take his backpack off, and then to sit next to Virginia…

“So how did it go with the co-workers”?… Asked Virginia.

“It went well… I’m really fond of Annie… Is she always as happy as she sounds”?… Asked Michael.

“Yeah… She could cheer up even the most bitter of person… I mean she’s put a smile on my face when I didn’t feel like being bothered with anyone”… Answered Virginia.

“But yeah… Annie made a sizeable order… She said she has a big get together coming up, and she didn’t feel like baking anything… And Tiffaney ordered some stuff as well… It was a more get straight to the point convo with her”… Responded Michael.

“Well I’m happy to help you on your journey to creating your sweets empire”… Replied Virginia.

“I wouldn’t call it an empire… I’m just trying to have a business where I can live a comfortable life while doing something that I love”… Responded Michael.

“Empires are like people Michael… They come in all varieties”… Replied Virginia.

“Well what would you consider to be your empire”?… Asked Michael.

………………..

Honestly, I’m at the age where I’ll settle for a little Mom and Pop shop on the corner of Main Street”… Answered Virginia.

“Well buildings on Main Street are quite expensive in this town… No matter what size they are”… Replied Michael.

………………..

Exactly… Even Main Street ain’t affordable anymore”… Responded Virginia.

……….

“So are you gonna read your book that I always see you read on here”… Asked Michael.

“Nah I’ll read it at a later time… It’s not as engaging as conversing with you”… Replied Virginia.

Well I do like to stimulate the mind..

……….

… So what book are you reading?… Asked Michael.

Black Women of the Old West… It’s about…

………………..”… Replied Virginia.

(Writer’s Note: And just in case you’re wondering… No I haven’t read this book yet… But when I have the time and funds to purchase this book, then I will)

“Sounds very interesting… I’m gonna have to check it out at some point… So do you read often”?… Asked Michael.

“Yes… I read at least one book a week… I usually read when I wanna get my mind off the real world”… Answered Virginia.

“So what genres do you prefer to read”?… Asked Michael.

“… Biographies, History, Crime, Western’s… Some Sci-Fi… My reading interests are diverse”… Answered Virginia.

“Yeah I’m not much of a reader… You can probably guess that I spend most of my time in the kitchen when I wanna take my mind off things…

However, there are some books that I’ve really liked that you might be interested in”… Said Michael.

“Lemme grab my phone so I can write this down”… Replied Virginia.

………………..

“You ready”?… Asked Michael.

And Virginia replied by nodding her head in a yes gesture…

“Okay… There’s “Walking The Dog And Feelin’ Pretty Damn Good”… That’s a story about about a woman, and the happiness she feels when she’s walking her dog… Pretty self explanatory…

Then there’s, “The Plants Enjoys Your Cat”… It’s about a woman walking outside to see her precious kitten in a compromising position… That may or may not be something that interests you…

There’s also, “What Are You Thinking About Miss Hurley?…”… It’s about a woman who is deep into thought… And a guy wonders what could possibly be so thought provoking that it would cause Miss Hurley to be so engaged in those thoughts?… It’s a lot more interesting than I’m making it out to be…

Now this story is one of my favorites… It’s called, “Thighs As Large As My Desire For You”… On the surface it’s a standard woman has a crush on man story… But the more you get into it, the more saturated you’ll become…

I also have a fondness for this story… “Enduring A Field Of Thorns To Get To The Sweetest of Roses”… It’s similar to “Thighs As Large As My Desire For You”, but the genders are reversed… And to be honest, the way the author describes the woman of affection in this story is the reason why I like it so much… I wish I could meet the woman… But she’s a figment of an author’s imagination, so…

And finally, my favorite… “Conversations with Mrs. Bradshaw”… It’s about a man who’s going down the wrong path, and pretty much everyone has given up and washed their hands of him… But this woman, Mrs. Bradshaw won’t… And through the course of some conversations… Some stern, some more loving, she convinces him to turn his life around… I mean the world can be pretty cynical these days, but sometimes someone just showing you some love can go a long way”… Said Michael.

“Yeah… All you need is love, love… Love is all you need

(……………….)

… You know for someone who doesn’t read much, you sure have a lot of books that you like”… Responded Virginia.

“Well what can I say… There’s certain stories that I’m drawn to”… Replied Michael.

“Well I’m gonna check these stories out… I trust your judgment”… Responded Virginia.

……….

Now because this conversation was as engaging as watching Nigella Lawson doing… Well, Nigella Lawson stuff, neither Michael or Virginia knew that they were so close to the complex until she saw a fast food establishment that was a couple of blocks down from it, so she knew it was time to put a bookmark on this conversation…

“You know we’re almost at work… So…”…

“Okay yeah… This was the best beginning of a workday that I’ve had in a long time”… Replied Michael.

“Likewise”… Responded Virginia.

And around forty seconds later, Sycamore Route arrived at The Complex, and that’s when Virginia was reminded that the water from the skies is still coming down like the Warriors are raining down threes on the rest of The Association… So Michael once again held the umbrella up for her – And of course himself – as the two walked into one of The Complex buildings…

“You know I have a raincoat on… You need this more than me”… Said Michael.

“… Thank you so much… I’m very appreciative of your generosity”… Responded Virginia.

And then she gave Michael a quick peck on the cheek, before she began making her way to her job… And Michael stood there emotionless for a couple of seconds… But smiling like he had just been drafted into one of the most exclusive organizations in the world in his mind… And then…

“Hey hold on there… Can I get your number… You know just in case we don’t see each other for a few days, so I can get my umbrella back”?… Michael asked Virginia… As he hurried walked to catch up to her.

……….

Uhhh… O yeah… It’s …..”… Responded Virginia.

And after she gave him her number…

“Okay… Thanks… I’ll talk to you later friend”… Said Michael.

“Yeah”… Replied Virginia.

And then the two stared at each other for a hot second, before heading to their respective jobs…