Category Archives: Written Freestyles

The Loneliness Trigger

You go out to eat with family… Everyone orders from the menu… And around ten minutes or so later, everyone has their food. Everyone starts eating, drinking, and conversating, and a few minutes into this… Something hits you…

 

You are the fifth wheel…

 

Your family members are here with their significant other… Whether it’s their wife, husband… Yeah lets just keep it at that because that’s the scenario that we’re talking about here…

 

So yeah, your family members are there with their significant other enjoying the food and drinks, and talking about stuff that you’re not familiar with because you are visiting from out of town… And as this is happening, you watch, listen, and began to retreat into your own world… A world you are sadly familiar with… As this instance once again launched you into the loneliness trigger…

 

So dinner continues as the foursome conversate and… Stuff like that. And when that concluded, the five of us got back into the hatchback, and went home… One couple in the front, one in the back, and me in the middle by my lonesome…

 

The above scenario is something that I’ve become an expert in for most of my life… Going into my own world when The Loneliness Trigger hits me… Whether it’s being around family… Who now have their own family, friends, and whatnot, to a certain parent who’s made it very clear that you have never been that important to them… And how he has a ….. I don’t know what you call it, but he has friends, women after women after women who care and I guess some of them love him, while you wonder why you constantly have consistent citizenship on lonely man island… It really has you questioning a lot of things…

 

So anyway, as I was saying… When you see kids you grow up with in church now have their own family and stuff like that… To when your standing in line at the grocery store, and the person in front of you and the cashier – Or whatever fancy title these corporations have come up with – is engaging in conversation like they’ve known each other for years, and then when it’s time for you to check out, it’s like who are you… I mean it’s true, but still… Whateva… The point still stands that complete strangers can talk to each other like they’ve known each other for years, and then they get to you and it’s like …..

 

But when The Loneliness Trigger reaches it’s apex is on social media…

 

On the most popular social platform on the planet, all that I’ve mentioned above is amplified to the max…You see all your family members and “friends” living fruitful lives… And if not fruitful, they’re at least not alone. They could talk to someone if they really needed to… They have hundreds if not thousands of “friends”… Now I know that a lot of that is for show, but still – At least in my eyes – they’re faking it well… Compare to my measly couple of dozen or a few more of “friends”… There’s nothing that triggers The Loneliness Trigger more than being on the most popular social platform on planet Earth… Which is why I only get on there as many times as the New England Patriots haven’t won the AFC East in Brady/Belichick era… And when I do, I quickly realize why I only get on there as few times as I do…

 

And yeah, the social network that starts with the letter f is the social network that triggers The Loneliness Trigger more than anything else, but there’s room for the others as well…

 

Back when I was using the 140 character ….. (yeah I know they doubled it, but they became famous for the 140 characters and that’s what we’re gonna stick to her) social network a lot more, The Loneliness Trigger wasn’t as bad as the social network I previously mentioned… In fact, even tho I wasn’t interacting much with people, I still felt like I was a part of something… In my own lonely man way… But then… It hit…

 

Not interacting with anyone… Sending all those tweets, and not getting any replies or retweets, feeling like an outcast like the kid in school no one wants to be around (he’s got cooties or something more cruller)… You know I see stories of how people first met on the microblogging site, and now are BFF’s, romantic partners, or even married ….. (I guess people don’t like me)… So yeah…

 

And on the gram, you know what the deal is… If you’re not …………… (famous, hot (women and to a lesser extent men), comedian, etc) then you’re not gonna be popular relevant… That’s just how it is… But you would think that people who feel like their outcasts could meet each other, and at least not be as lonely, and even perhaps find some happiness in this ….. (fucked up) world… But… Yeah…

 

But you know the worst thing about current times – From my perspective – is you are always reminded that you ain’t shit…

 

In the offline world… You see couples doing couples shit. You see parents with their children… Doing parent shit… You see couples with kids… Doing family shit… You see couples with their children, and the couple’s parents doing… Whateva man…

 

In the online world… You see couples posting pics, and videos, and whateva (I’m grateful that god sent me an angel, shit like that) about couples shit… You see parents posting pics of their children, and saying… Parent shit… You see children with their parents, and posting… Children shit… You see couples with their children, and posting… Family shit… You see couples with their children, and the couple’s parents, posting… Whateva man…

 

So as I concluded this… Post, or whateva you wanna call it, if anyone should ever read this, I would be lying if I didn’t say I wasn’t somewhat bitter, but really… I’m sad, depressed, and… More sad that I’m a… Not old, but definitely not young, man who doesn’t have anyone who I can… Do what I just wrote about in the past handful of paragraphs… And will I ever find someone seeing that I’m not getting younger, and that I’m not the most desirable motherfucka out there…

 

Will I ever get to break out of this Loneliness Trigger, and finally get to spread some happiness glitter all over my life?… And… That’s pretty much all I gotta say right now…