Tag Archives: Flirting

So How Was Your Trip To The Laundromat

It was eight forty-five in the morning, when Dion Tower left his apartment to go to the laundromat inside The Prince’s Grove Apartments Complex to wash his clothes. And once he arrived there, he was surprised to see that he wouldn’t be alone

Indeed in the laundromat at this early morning hour with Dion is a very spiritually cultivated pepper – With a lot of salt mixed in – short haircut haired woman, who stands the height of the woman who used a dope ass sample of a Memphis Soul Legend for her debut hit song… With high cheekbones, and nude brown lipstick covering her featherweight lips…

And Dion stared at the woman for a quick second or two, before returning his attention back to the large batch of clothing he had to wash and dry…

You see he wanted to get this done early, before the laundromat got more crowded later in the late morning and afternoon hours. So he put his headphones on and went to his favorite music streaming app, before zoning out into his own world, and separating the colors from the whites, the delicates from the normal and heavy clothes, before putting them into separate washing machines…

And while he was doing that, Dion began singing out loud the song that he was currently listening to… And The Pepper and Salt Haircut Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman temporarily stopped organizing her clothes to stare at Dion for a handful of seconds… And eventually, he looked in her direction to see that she was staring at him…

“O I’m sorry… I forgot I wasn’t here by myself”… Said Dion.

“O it’s okay sweetie… I’m just surprised that you’re not listening to hip hop… Who are you listening to”?… Asked The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

That Loving Feeling by Isaac Hayes”… Answered Dion.

……….

Okay… Not the answer I was expecting”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Yeah I don’t really listen to current music… it just doesn’t cut it for meToo much sex, not enough sensualityToo much bragging, not enough realness… I like music that’s like after you eat a plate of soul food… It fills you up and stays with you for awhile”… Responded Dion.

“……….

Back in my backsliding days, I used to listen to music like that… A couple of my children are here because of it… But I’m a God Fearing Woman now… Yep, I only listen to music for the almighty

Shirley Caesar, Bebe and Cece Winans, The Clark Sisters, Thomas Dorsey, Vanessa Bell Armstrong, Marvin Sapp, Aretha Franklin, Mahalia Jackson”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“So do you go to church regularly”… Asked Dion.

“Every Sunday… Go to Victorious Jesus Tabernacle on 59th and Blackroot”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Yeah I don’t go to church like I used to when I was younger… Just become less motivated to as each day goes by”… Responded Dion.

“Yeah I know the world is crazier than the neighborhood hustler tryin’ to sell you a Michael Jackson 8 track tape, but the only person who can guide me is the almighty messiah”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Yeah I’m more focused on not becoming a casualty to this ever increasing messed up world… Too many people who have bad intentionsAvoiding them at all costs is a full time job plus another full time job… It leaves you little time to sit down and rest”… Responded Dion.

Yeah I hear you on that… Just gotta leave it up to the lord”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

……….

… You know these machines are a doozy... Did you know that I put my clothes in these two machines and they wouldn’t work… But as soon I put my clothes in some other machines, they began working like prune juice through the digestive tract of a constipated person… That’s just crazy”… Said The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Yeah that is… I mean they just put in these new machines earlier in the year, so they shouldn’t be acting up already… You should go get your money back from the front office”… Replied Dion.

“O God yes… I’m going over there as soon as I get done washing these clothes”… Responded The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

………………..

“Oooooooooo… I need some washing powder… Apparently I’m using more washing machines than I thought”… Dion said to himself…

(He thought he was only going to use three washing machines, but it turned out that he would be using four…)

So anyway, Dion went back to his apartment to grab some more washing powder, before returning to the laundromat around the jersey number of the headline member of the 2016 Pro Football Hall of Fame of minutes later… And once back there…

Dion was treated to the sight of The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman bent over taking off her reddish pink pants… Which now revealed the solid as a Mike Conley stat sheet black panty briefs she had on underneath… And Dion just stood there and stared at the sudden full black moon that he wasn’t expecting to see when he decided to wash his clothes this morning…

……….

O I’m sorry… I didn’t expect you back so soon… I’m not some pervert or anything like that… I just decided that I really wanted to wash these pants, and I didn’t have time to go up to my apartment to change into some other pants”… Said a ….. The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

……….

It’s okay… You have nothing to apologize for…

So do you work out?… Because you have a… Very nice ….. I’ve seen women half your age with backsides not well put together”… Asked Dion.

“No not to particularly… Maybe The Good Lord just blessed me with good genes”… Answered The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

And seconds later, she grabbed a towel from her basket and wrapped it around her waist, before taking a seat in the chair that was nearby… And Dion for his part, returned his attention back to the large pile of clothes that he had to go back to his apartment to get some more washing powder so that he could wash all of them, as he placed the quarters in the coin slot, and then the clothes in the washing machine, before closing the doors and watching the water fill up the machines for a few handfuls of seconds…

……….

“Are those  Xenia Zsu”?… Asked Dion.

“Uh?…”… Asked The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Your underwear… Are those Xenia Zsu’s?… My ex really liked those brand of panties”… Replied Dion.

“O yeah… They are Xenia Zsu… Been wearing them since I was your age… I’ve worn other brands, but Xenia Zsu is the one that I feel the most comfortable in ”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Yeah my ex bought me some of their boxers… But I just wasn’t feelin’ them… They were too tight… Especially around my junk… That’s why I wear Odis Shaheed Ali… It gives me plenty of breathing room

I have heard that Xenia Zsu has some nice thong underwear… My ex and a couple of her friends swear by them”… Responded Dion.

“Thongs… Mmhmm mmhmm… I don’t wear anything that I have to stick up my caboose… That’s just uncomfortable and nasty… I walked around with something up me for thirty five years, and now that I no longer have to do that, I’m not going to willingly put something else up me”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

……….

……….

Okay… Wasn’t expecting that answer”… Responded Dion.

“Well sorry to be so blunt, but it’s the truth… The happiest I’ve been is the fifteen years since I’ve crossed over… Don’t have to worry about spending that money on feminine products, or the cramps, or not being able to wear certain clothingThe devil has to be behind periods… Because someone as great as God wouldn’t do that to women”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

…………………….”… Responded Dion.

And a few handfuls of seconds later, a thought popped into Dion’s head…

“I hope you don’t mind me asking… But I’ve been wondering… Once women your age “Change”, do y’all still have feelings, desires…. You know what I’m talkin’ about”?…

……….

“I’m Spiritually CultivatedNot deadYes I do date men… I particularly like dating this man that I met a few months ago… He brings a lot to the table”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“I see… I only ask because my mother did a lot of dating when she was younger… But once the changed happened, her interest in dating men waned… She wore much less makeup, wore more baggy clothes, got her hair done less… She just spent more time with her female friends and grandchildren

I mean if I’m being honest, I’m very happy about it… I no longer have to deal with men trying to be my daddy… You know tryin’ to mark their territory and stuff”… Responded Dion.

“I’m not tryin’ to be rude… But that sounds highly selfish of you… I’m pretty sure you love your mother, but she’s gotta have a life of her own”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“…..

Yeah I know… And I should feel guilty about it… But honestly… I don’t… What can I say, I’m a mama’s boy”… Responded Dion.

“….. You remind so much of Javion… He’s my youngest son… He calls me almost everyday… He’s always callin’ me about anything… What are you doing mama?… Do you want me to do something for you?… Can I borrow twenty dollars?… And things like that…

I love my son… But sometimes I just wanna call block his butt sometimes”… Said The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Well I talk to my mom a lot… But I know when to give her some breathing room…

So how many children do you have”?… Asked Dion.

“Five… And all of them are boys… Them and their father… I was the only female in the home”… Answered The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“So you and your sons father were together for a while”?… Asked Dion.

“From the time I was twelve to around seven years ago…

We got together in middle school, and had our first son when I was fourteen… We divorced some years back…

We had a lot of great times, but by the end, we couldn’t stand to be in the same room with each other… I guess being together since we were teenagers finally took it’s toll on our relationship… Still don’t like him tho”… Responded The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

……….

So are you interested in having another long term relationship”?… Asked Dion.

……….

Yes… And no… I do like the idea and feeling of being in a long term relationship… But I also like the freedom of just dating… There’s little attachment, and you can date more than one person at a time… Without feeling guilty about it”… Answered The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

And soon thereafter, The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman’s washing machines began cycling down, signaling that her clothes had finished their washing and cleansing cycle, so she went to take them out of the washing machines, before placing them into a couple of dryers, and inserting the amount of change that was needed into them to start them up…

………………..

“So have you ever dated a younger man”?… Asked Dion.

“Huh?… Could you ask that question again?… I didn’t hear what you asked”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“Have you ever dated a younger man”?… Reitered Dion.

“….. No… Never really considered it… The only young men that I talk to regularly are my sons… And sometimes there friends… I mean honestly the idea of me with a younger man just seems so farfetched”… Answered The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

“……….

I like your makeup… It looks very good on you”… Said Dion.

“Thank you”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman.

……….

“My name’s Dion…”… Said Dion

“….. Shera…”… Replied The Pepper and Salt Haired Spiritually Cultivated Woman… Now known as Shera.

“Shera… That’s an alluring name… And a fitting one as well…

……….”… Responded Dion.

“………. Please answer me something Dion… Are you tryin’ to mack me”?… Asked Shera.

…..

If you’re interested… Then yes… But if not… Then I’m just engaging in casual conversation”… Answered Dion.

………………..

So you like older women”?… Asked Shera.

“I like women period… Don’t care about there age… Obviously as long as there legal… I feel that’s a very important point to make”… Answered Dion.

……….

“So when you saw me taking my pants off, what were you thinkin’?… Asked Shera.

“Thoughts that I would need to spend all day in church repenting to the lord about”… Answered Dion.

……….”… Responded Shera.

And these stares went on until they were interrupted by the sound of the washing machines that had Dion’s clothes in it cycling down – And shortly thereafter, off –  signaling that they had gone through the washing and cleansing process. So Dion – For the next few minutes – took his eyes off of Shera to take his clothes out of the four washing machines, before placing them into the dryers, and inserting the change needed to run the dryers to dry his large batch of clothes…

And once done with this task, Dion turned around to the sight of…

Shera bent over on the counter where you place your clothing basket, washing powder, bleach, and other whatnot on when you walk into the laundromat… With the towel that was covering her pantsless waist now sitting a few inches in front of her on the counter…

……………”… Responded Dion.

“I’m sure I don’t have to explain what to do next… Do I?…”… Stated Shera.

“But ain’t you a Christian God Fearing Woman who…”…

Was the thought Dion was thinking… But after taking a ….., he walked behind Shera, and pulled her pure black panty briefs down to just above her knee, before pulling his pants and boxers down to two or three inches below his butt… And after groping and getting a feel of her butt for a few seconds, Dion inserted and penetrated his hard as the fifth track off Mos Def’s The New Danger album dick into Shera’s slippery when wet pussy…

……………….

And as Dion got more into going in and out of Shera, he needed to grab onto something, so that he wouldn’t ….., and bust his ass, so he grabbed onto the corner of the counter for leverage, as he continued going in and out of her like he was a quarterback for the Cleveland Browns

……….

And as Shera closed her eyes for a few seconds and moaned in pleasure to herself, Dion was getting ready to park the car into the garage, so he took a few more strokes of Shera’s tropical-like pussy, before finally pulling out for good… But before he accomplished said pulling out, some of Dion’s cum shot out of his dick, and into Shera’s tight and slippery pussy

But nevertheless, once Dion had fully exited Shera’s pussy, he deposited the remainder of his cum onto her lower back and left buttcheek…

………………..

And soon thereafter, Dion pulled his pants and boxers up from just below his butt to back up to where they belong, as he got himself situated… And Shera pulled her pure black panty briefs back up, and placed the towel back around her waist… And just over a minute and a half later…

……….

So Shera made her way to the dryers to take her clothes out of them, and after sorting through them for a couple of minutes, she identified the reddish pink pants that she took off around an hour ago, and put them back on, as she took the robe off from her waist….

………………..

“You have a blessed day Mr. Dion”… Said Shera.

“You to Ms. Shera”… Responded Dion.

And after the two stared at each other for a couple of seconds, Shera exited the laundromat, and went on about her day… And Dion stayed in the laundromat until the two dryers he had his clothes in buzzed, signaling that that the drying process had concluded. So he took the clothes out of the dryers and put them into his large clothing basket, before soon thereafter leaving the laundromat, and making his way back to his apartment…

And after spending around two thirds of an hour situating and putting his clothes away, Dion checked his phone

“Hey bae… We still on 4 2nite”? Said The Text Message.

“Of course Charisma…. Just finished washing my clothes”… Responded Dion.

……………………..

“Hey Charisma… When you comin over?… We gotta finish dis Luke Cage show”… Wrote Dion.

“Get off work at noon, and then gotta pay some bills… I’ll be over around 2:30”… Replied Charisma.

“Cool… See u then 😙😘😍”… Responded Dion.

And then Dion went to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast… Ya know… Because it’s already been a long morning ……….

Santa and Phoebe

“Oh the weather outside wasn’t so frightful,

and the fire ain’t that delightful (since there isn’t one),

and since my old car is preventing me from going to the place I want to go…

I need a new car, I need a new car, I need a new car”.

 

Okay, that wasn’t the exact thoughts Phoebe Kramer was thinking precisely a week before Christmas, but it was in the frame of the thoughts she’s been having the last couple of months since her 2003 Ford Taurus broke down on her, and she doesn’t want to spend any amount of dough on a vehicle that was in it’s heyday when Mission Accomplished was still a popular thought…

But she still needs around fifteen hundred to two grand to buy a new car. She didn’t have any clue what car she wanted, but Phoebe needed a new car that was assembled in this decade…

But then – Like some outside force was trying to tell her something – while she was laying in her bed taking a break from a Netflix binge of Narco, Phoebe flipped the channel and stumbled upon a commercial for the 2015 Kia Sorento, and she instantly fell in love with it like she was the Sacramento Kings and the Kia was all the bad draft picks they’ve made over the last decade. In a nutshell, this is the car Phoebe wants. But since she had as much of a chance of buying this car as Lucious Lyon has of being a good father, she was gonna need a miracle to get it. Or…

Since it’s the holiday season, it’s that time of the year where wishes – Maybe – come true, so Phoebe got out of her bed to grab her laptop, before getting back in to write Santa an email…

 

“Dear Santa,

From the time I was five, I’ve written you a letter every year asking you for something… From the plaid “Clueless” miniskirt when I was seven, to wanting my own talking cat when I was ten, to bringing mommy and daddy back together when I was twelve, and most importantly, wanting to meet Veronica Mars when I was fifteen.

You didn’t answer any of my wishes, so I stopped believing in you. And also because my daddy told me that you’re nothing more than a creation from Capitalistic pigs to brainwash children to pester their parents until they (the parents) finally relent and spend most of their overworked and underpaid money on toys that they’re children will only enjoy for two months before they want the next new toy.

As I got older the more I realized that daddy was more or less right, but even tho I’m a grown adult, there’s still that six year old little girl in me who still wants to believe in you. Who still wants to believe in the spirit of Christmas.

So I know that you’re a very busy man, and get millions of letters a day, so I’m gonna get to the point…

A couple of months ago, I had a fender bender. It’ll cost a grand or so to fix my car, and another grand or so to buy a new one… And to be honest, all that couple grand will do is buy me a slightly better car… Which would still be a pretty shitty car.

So in one week when I wake up to go into the kitchen to pour me a glass of delicious eggnog, I’m then gonna walk to my Christmas tree… And I hope that you’ll answer my wish, and have the keys to the 2015 Kia Sorento in a shiny green and red box.

May you and Mrs. Claus have a pleasant remainder of the holiday season…

Sincerely,

Phoebe Kramer

 

Then Phoebe closed her laptop and went back to binge watching Narco on Netflix…

 

On December 21st, at The North Pole, Santa Claus finally got around to reading Phoebe’s email letter. He gets hundreds of thousands of these type of letters a day, but with all the disappointment in the letter, he felt a responsibility to respond back to her…

 

Dear Phoebe,

Thank you for writing me, and I appreciate all the letters that my fans and admirers send me… No matter how older or mature they’ve gotten. Now to your letter…

I receive millions of letters a day and try to read every last one of them, but your letter saddens me. It troubles me that you’re going down the same path of your father. I know it may be hard to believe, but your father use to be a very blissful youngster. The frenzy of enthusiasm on his face when he looked under the tree and saw the Atari 2600 that he had been pestering his parents about all year long… O the happiness was just paramount…

I remember the glee a couple of years later, when he got that Robin Yount Rookie Card that he had been searching for for a few years. He wrote to me that he would never ask me for anything else if I got that card for him. He of course didn’t keep that promise, but I understand… Kids say the darndest things (Writers Note: Don’t worry. It’s a link to the original host of the show and not the second host… And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, a simple Google Search will answer that question for ya)…

But the happiest I ever saw your father Phoebe was the Christmas before you were born. Your mom was supposed to visit your dad (who had moved to another town because of a job. Your mother was still in school)  So anyway, a large snowstorm hit the area a few days before Christmas, so no one was getting in or out. And this bummed both of them out because they hadn’t seen each other in months. Your father wrote me asking for a miracle to get your mother to him. And to make a long story short, I pulled a couple of strings, and on Christmas morning, there was a knock on your father’s door, and your mother was on the other side. And weeelll… You don’t need to know what the two did over the next few days, but you were born nine months… So that pretty much gives it away.

I’m only telling you all this because I wanted you to know that your father was indeed a happy person earlier in his life… But after your parents divorced, it destroyed your father. I don’t need to go into details about that, since you had a front row seat to it, but I’m just sayin’ that your father isn’t the best person you want to go to to form your opinion of me.

Now there are multitude of reasons on why I couldn’t get those presents you mentioned in your letter to me, but the wish of getting your parents back together is above my pay grade. That’s all I can say about that…

So on to your current wish…

Santa gets a lot of requests for new cars every year… Too many to count to be honest, so I only have a finite number of vehicles that my elfs and I can deliver a year. And unfortunately, that list is already filled. So I’m sorry that I can’t grant your wish this season. I can forward your wish to The Birthday Wish Granter and tell him that your wish is more of a priority. So that can help. I can also get your car fixed, free of charge.

O now would you look at the time, Santa has to get back to join the elfs in wrapping the presents that I’ll be delivering in a few days. Once again, Santa is sorry he couldn’t grant your wish at this time… But I will definitely leave something under your tree, because you’ve been such a good girl… Or should I say woman, this year (emoji here)…

May you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and beyond…

Sincerely,

Santa Claus

 

A handful of hours after Santa had sent his letter to Phoebe, she checked her email, and was absolutely ecstatic to had gotten a reply from Santa, but that excitement quickly subsided when she actually read the letter. A temporary sadness enveloped her body, before anger took over. So Phoebe sent this reply back to Santa…

 

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU YOU FAT FOUR EYED BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HAVEN’T ASKED YOU FOR ANYTHING FOR A WHOLE FUCKING DECADE. AND NOW WHEN I ASK YOU FOR SOMETHING THAT I REALLY NEED, YOU TELL ME THAT I DIDN’T WRITE YOU IN FUCKING TIME??? YOU’RE FUCKING SANTA, YOU CAN GET ANYTHING AT ANY FUCKING TIME…

I’M A GROWN FUCKING WOMAN SANTA, ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS TELL ME THAT YOU’RE NOT GONNA GRANT MY WISH…

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY FATHER IS 100% RIGHT ABOUT.YOU… I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON A FRUITCAKE AND DIE…

SINCERELY… NO FUCK YOU, YOU DON’T DESERVE THAT TYPE OF FUCKING COURTESY,

A PISSED OFF EX BELIEVER IN SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Phoebe hit the send button on her angry email, and then went to her fridge to pour herself a glass of eggnog and whiskey

 

Santa was busy with the elfs packaging the presents and getting the coordinates for the routes that he’s gonna be on Christmas Eve and morning, so he didn’t immediately see Phoebe’s response. But in the late hours of the next night, one of the elfs (a female named Susklahava (Pronounced Shush-Kla-Hava)) told Santa that he really needs to read Phoebe’s response to him. Santa fell asleep before he had the chance to read it, but he woke up a couple of hours later (Santa ain’t gettin that much rest this time of year), and finally read it. He was speechless and emotionless. Santa doesn’t get many of these type of letters… But still, the vitriol and disappointment from Phoebe really affected Santa (by taking all of his jolly emotions away). Santa seriously contemplated writing another letter to Phoebe, but felt this situation had escalated to a more direct action…

So in the early morning hours of Christmas Eve Eve, Phoebe’s phone ranged, and when she picked it up it was Santa. He told her that her letter really made an impact on him. And then he said to her that he wanted to talk to her in person about this situation. Phoebe didn’t know what to say. When she vented at Santa in her letter, she thought that would be it, but now that he had responded back, Phoebe didn’t know how to respond…

So Santa did the responding by telling Phoebe that he’s going to send one of his elfs to come get her, so that the two can talk face to face.

Around twenty minutes later, Sundamar (Pronounced Sun-Da-Mar) – One of Santa’s top elfs – arrived at the door of Phoebe. And after she answered it, Sundamar introduced himself to Phoebe, and the two had a quick conversation before they went outside to a high tech looking Sleigh (Writer’s Note: I scoured the web looking for a suitable pic and couldn’t find one that I liked, so I encourage you to use your imagination) and began making there way to The North Pole…

The trip to the North Pole was a rather quick one, but long in experience and knowledge for Phoebe. She was astonished at the sheer size of the land. The North Pole is the size of Texas, Alaska, and California (Writer’s Note: I tried looking for a pic to demonstrate the size but couldn’t find one. Sorry)  combined… With the comfort of living in a Vermont lodge. Phoebe wanted to take a tour of the ginormous land, but Santa is a busy man – Particularly at this time of year – and his time is precious, so Sundamar led her to a small cafe named The Blizzard Tundra (Writer’s Note: Get use to this name, because I’m gonna use this name again – More than likely in this story -, because it’s just too damn good), and told her that Santa will be here in a couple of minutes….

Two minutes and three seconds later, Santa entered The Blizzard Tundra, and Phoebe was astonished by the size and fashion of him…

Santa stood around the height of Kristaps Porzingis. In the size department, Santa is approximately eighty percent of what you think he looks like… He’s definitely rotund in shape, but much more big boned than fat… Like a defensive lineman in football (and if you wanna call that man fat, then I’ll just start planning your funeral right now). Now Santa – Of course – has the very thick mustache, beard, and eyebrows, but it’s not white like the Rocky Mountain snow or the Oscars, but more of a platinum color. Now the one area of Santa’s face that is white are his pearly white teeth. Now that is the eighty percent part. Now the twenty percent part is Santa’s fashion choice…

He didn’t have on his signature red and white suit. He instead had on a platinum colored listening to The Chronic on your Walkman era  tracksuit, and had on a pair of white and red Air Jordan VI‘s to complete the look.

Anyway, Santa could sense that Phoebe was mesmerized by his appearance, so he said to her,

”Yes I am real Phoebe… But there are a lot of fables about me, and one of the most misconceptions is that I always walk around in my red and white suit… And yes, I do sometimes, but I’m just like you people down there… I like to wear numerous outfits… And quite frankly I’ma let ya in on a secret, I mostly only wear that red outfit to make the little children happy”.

Phoebe stared at Santa for a few seconds, before she asked him pretty much – One of – the same question she asked in her original letter to him…

“Why didn’t you ever get the presents I asked you for when I was younger… Or at least write me back”???

“I’m a busy man. Although I grant millions of wishes a year, it’s only a fraction of the billions of letters I get yearly”. Answered Santa.

Then he went on to say to further explain himself to Phoebe…

“Although you ripped me a new one in your last letter, I still feel like I owe you more of explanation why I can’t grant your wish at this time…

If you asked me for literally millions of other things I could get it to you with no problem… But a car is one of those high priority items that there are only so many that I can give out a year. And I especially can’t get you a forty thousand dollar car on such a short notice. I already offered to get your car fixed… How about I throw in an extra five grand under your tree, and that should help you with a down payment for a new car… Since I know you really want one”…

Phoebe stared at Santa for a few seconds, before she said to him.

“I can tell that you really wanna help me out, but I don’t want a new car… I want the Kia Sorento. I’ll look so good in it. I won’t have to worry about having car troubles for the next five years or so… Which is very important as I go between school and my job”.

Santa once again explained to Phoebe why he couldn’t get that Kia Sorento to her at this time… And Phoebe once again explained to Santa that she wouldn’t accept anything less than the Kia Sorento, so the two spent the following couple of minutes going back and forth with their viewpoints, when suddenly Phoebe put her hand on Santa’s thigh and proceeded to say to him,

“I’m willing to do anything to get this new car.. And when I say anything”…

Phoebe then got up from her seat and positioned herself a couple of feet in front of Santa, and then proceeded to gyrate her hips from side to side for enough time to have Santa to start thinking about some unholiday season thoughts. Phoebe then placed her right hand on the back of her head to pull out the elastic rubber hair band that was keeping her ponytail in place. Then she shook her head a few times to let her long silky blonde hair drop halfway down her back.

Now Santa didn’t know how to react. He had a myriad of thoughts going on in his mind that had temporarily frozen him, and a few more thoughts would be added to that list as Santa watched Phoebe take off her blue tank top blouse… And because she decided not to wear a bra today, Santa got a close up view of Phoebe’s perky 40B Jollies. Then a few seconds later, she began disrobing of her forest green colored jogging parts… And just like with her upper body, Phoebe didn’t have any garments on her lower body either, so her smooth as a Sade R&B jam mons pubis was in plain sight for Santa.

Now with her upper and lower bodies as bare as a group of naked ladies, the only clothing related accessory on Phoebe’s body were her white tennis shoes. She stood there in silence for a handful of more seconds to allow Santa to view her five feet six inches tall, slim and toned midsection, as well as her feminine mainstream appeal looking thighs, before she said to him…

(In a sexy high tone voice) “So Santa… I know you’ve told me numerous times that you can’t get that Kia Sorento that I desperately want… But I’m wondering is there something that you… And I could do that would persuade you to change your mind”???

Although the average temperature in the North Pole is minus thirty-five degrees (Fahrenheit), there was a heatwave going on in The Blizzard Tundra. Sweat was perspiring out of Santa’s forehead like water coming out of a facet, and “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness” were in the spirit of delivering some season greetings. So Santa said to Phoebe…

“I… I’ll make some calls and see what I can do”…

That wasn’t the answer Phoebe was going for, so she asked Santa…

“Can you play some music”???

Santa stared at Phoebe for a couple of seconds, before he said,

“Atomic Daydream (the nickname for Santa’s Entertainment System)… Play music”…

And before you could blink, Kurtis Burner’s (one of the top music artists in the North Pole… And yes, you’ll be hearing a lot more of him as this story progresses) version of White Christmas began playing. This wasn’t exactly the type of music Phoebe had in mind, but after around ten seconds or so, she adjusted and began getting into it.

Phoebe seductively danced in front of Santa for a half minute or so, before she turned around to allow him to get a better view of her mainstream appeal backside packages. Then she attempted to bring her backside packages together, and even tho a skill like that is better left to the more experienced, Santa was nevertheless impressed with Phoebe… But then a sense of realness hit him. So he said to her…

“This is wrong… This is wrong on so many levels. Santa can’t do this. Santa can’t have a special relation with you Phoebe. It’s unfair to all of the millions and millions of Santa’s fans and admirers. It would break the trust that Santa has spent decades building. If Santa has a relation with you Phoebe, then he’s no better than a person accepting the highest offer or other exceptional benefits… I know down there y’all call them Politicians (Writer’s Note: Here’s another article that I think you will find interesting. I would say hope you enjoy it… But honestly, you shouldn’t), but up here in The North Pole, we have different expectations. Not to throw any shade, but I have to be honest”…

Phoebe stared at Santa for a few seconds, before she said to him…

“With all due respect Santa, but what the fuck are you talking about”???

Then Phoebe took a seat on Santa’s porkly lap and began grinding on it like Zach Randolph does for the Grizzlies every night for around a minute and a quarter. And of course “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness” were very pleased by this development, so Santa placed both of his hands on Phoebe’s backside packages and caressed them like Sundamar and Susklahava did with each other on their post Christmas date a few days from now. This went on for a bit before Phoebe asked Santa…

“When’s the last time Mrs. Claus made you feel this way Santa”???

“Santa and Mrs. Claus have a more traditional romantic life… But Santa has been trying to get her more into the open romantic activities you younger kids do now… But Santa doesn’t want to think about Mrs. Claus right now… Santa wants to know more about you Phoebe”… Answered Santa.

“How does my bottom feel to you Santa”??? Asked Phoebe

“ Like a delicious fruitcake that’s just been taken out the oven”. Answered Santa.

“Well that’s not an answer I was expecting… But I’m assuming that a just baked fruitcake is soft and tender… And that’s good for that, but we’re talking about my bottom… And soft and tender is not what I want as it pertains to that..

I like to exercise frequently Santa. I go to the gym three, sometimes four days a week. That’s how I maintain this body and keep my little bottom firm… And since my car incident, It’s been hard to get my workout in with my school and work schedule, and that really upsets me. How am I gonna maintain this bottom if I can’t get my workout in Santa??? That’s why I need this Sorento Santa… I need you to grant this wish for me”…

Phoebe then gave Santa a sad face for a few seconds, before she gave him a long kiss on his left rosey red cheek. and afterward, the two stared at each other in a… Way, before they began locking lips with one another. Santa and Phoebe exchanged their fair share of romantic syrup in their handful of minutes of kissing each other, and when that came to it’s conclusion, she asked to him…

“You know Santa, everyone is always telling you what they want for Christmas… But when’s the last time someone asked you what do you want??? Who thinks of the tall gentle platinum colored hair giant in the tracksuit”???

“Well… Santa does have his wants… But Santa’s job is to deliver joy and happiness to millions and millions of people throughout the world, so it’s not about him. Santa gets….”

Phoebe cut off Santa because she could feel “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness” pressed against her back left thigh, so she had an idea of what he wanted right now. So Phoebe placed her right index finger on Santa’s lips, and stood up from his lap to pull down the bottom part of his platinum tracksuit. And Phoebe was in for a surprise when she saw that Santa didn’t have any underwear on. So Santa proceeded to tell her that he forgot to put his briefs on today.

So anyway, Phoebe placed her right hand on “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness”, and began giving it the attention it’s been seeking for the past handful – Pun unintended – of minutes. And after playing and caressing it for a bit, some sticky light frosting began oozing out of “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness”, but instead of it being a clearish color, it instead was a chiffon color. Phoebe stared at it for a few seconds before Santa said to her…

“You know Phoebe, Mrs. Claus tells me that it tastes minty. She sometimes uses it as a mouth freshener when she runs out of toothpaste… Or even when she doesn’t”.

Then Santa gave Phoebe a smile more appropriate for Valentine’s Day than for the holiday season.

“You are a naughty fuck”!… Said a “I can be down with that” Phoebe.

Then she placed her hand up to her mouth to sample the taste of Santa’s light frosting… And indeed, Santa wasn’t bullshittin’, it did tasted minty. So minty that…

“You taste like a candy cane Santa”. Said Phoebe

“Where do you think they get that secret ingredient taste from”??? Asked a smiling Santa.

The two continued to smile at one another until Phoebe went back to feeling on “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness”. She continued this until Mini Santa wasn’t so mini anymore, and that’s when she once again got up from Santa’s lap… But this time it was only to get herself into a better position, as she widened her legs and slowly descended on top of “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness”, as the warmness from her Woman Oven encased Mini Santa and began tightening its grip on it.

Phoebe and her “Woman Oven” bounced up and down on “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness” for the following foreseeable distant future as sweat and passion dripped from their foreheads to down the rest of their torsos. And as the “Women Oven” got warmer and tighter, Mini Santa expanded in length and girth. And that inspired Phoebe to tell the husky man in the platinum tracksuit…

“Santa… You’re so endowed. I don’t know if I can take anymore. You’re gonna pop my kitty out of socket”…

“Well Santa guesses that he’s gonna have to get you a new kitty cat for Christmas”. Replied Santa.

“Oh Santa, I would love a new kitty. I love the one I have, but it’s getting old and senile. Responded Phoebe.

Both Phoebe and Santa breathed and panted heavily for a few more seconds, before he said to her…

“You know Phoebe, Santa specializes in giving females new kitties. The old ones have a tendency to be put out of service after their meeting with Santa”…

Then Santa picked Phoebe up from her waist as he stood up, and a few seconds later, Mini Santa thrust himself deeper into her “Woman Oven”, and it was at this time that Phoebe learned that indeed a male’s lower body organ could go that deep into her. So she let out a loud…

“O GOD!!! O GOD!!! O GOD!!! THIS FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD”!!!

“O that’s not God Phoebe Janelle Kramer… He’s is an awesome God… But what you’re experiencing is only an experience that Santa can give you”…

Then Santa resumed – Unintentionally – trying to reorganize Phoebe’s “Woman Oven” as she let him know how much she was enjoying it…

Although it felt like Phoebe and Santa were going on an eternal marathon, their rendezvous was coming to an end, as “Mini Santa and The Ornaments of Joy and Happiness” was ready to release his creamy frosting into her warm as a Summer any day on South Beach “Woman Oven”…

And afterward, as Phoebe and Santa were putting their clothes back on, she asked him the obvious question…

“So are you gonna be able to get that Sorento for me Santa?… You know that I really need it”…

“You’ve only mentioned this to Santa ten thousand times in our brief meeting… But Santa will make a phone call to his people. Santa can’t guarantee you anything, but he will try his best”. Answered Santa.

“Well try as hard as you can Santa”… Said Phoebe.

Anyway, Phoebe finished putting her clothes back on, as she and Santa small talked for a minute or so, before Sundamar arrived inside The Blizzard Tundra to take her back home.

When Phoebe returned back to her place, she had quite an appetite, so she walked a couple of blocks over to The Yummy Tummy, a retro like restuarant that has a lot of elements of a diner, but also modern elements of a cafe. So anyway, Phoebe ordered a couple of Bacon wrapped Tofu Dogs, and a side order of pickles as the main meal, with a medium cup Mason jar of Tall, Dark, & Handsome Coffee Beer to quench her thirst. And for her sweet tooth fix, she ordered a bowl of Strawberry Ice Cream, with Salted Caramel sauce as topping… Plus a few mini doughnut balls to top it off… And if you’re wondering why would such a fitness buff like Phoebe order something like this??? Well because it’s the Holiday season, so yolo… And two, when you’re in great shape like her, you can eat like this from time to time…

Now anyway, Phoebe ate and chatted with some employees and friends at The Yummy Tummy before she went back home to catch some zzzzz’s…

 

On a very unseasonably warm Christmas morning (the weather had changed drastically in two days), Phoebe got up from her bed and after going to the bathroom to wash her face and to get her bearings together, she went to her kitchen to pour herself a heaping glass of delicious eggnog. Phoebe went on to enthusiastically drink just over half of the cup before she made her way to the Christmas tree which was in the front room. She took another gulp from the glass, before she looked down to see a couple of green, red, and white boxes. One of the boxes was as small as the Cleveland Browns chances of ever going to a Super Bowl, so Phoebe opened that box first…

And seconds after she opened it, the smile on Phoebe’s face was childlike as she she saw some keys and a note telling her to look outside her window. Phoebe did that and saw a chocolate covered 2016 Kia Sorento sitting out front. She then jumped up and down in joy and elation for almost a minute, before she looked back down to read more of the note…

“I hope you appreciate just how many hoops Santa had to jump through to get you this car Phoebe. He had to call in some favors, so take real good care of this car…

And P.S. Santa threw in a five year Protection and Maintenance plan for ya as well… So if you have an issue, you won’t have to go in your pockets to pay for it…

Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas”…

And after finishing reading the note Phoebe went back to jumping up and down in joy and elation. And eventually, when her excitement had returned back to a – Somewhat – normal level, she grabbed her the car keys and was about to head out the door for a test drive, but then Phoebe remembered the other box that was under the tree as well. So she walked back over to it to see what could possibly be in the large box…

And just like when she opened the first box, Phoebe had a huge smile on his face… But this one was for a much different reason…

In the box was a snow white and green kitten. The two stared at each other for a handful of seconds until Phoebe picked it up and began stroking the cat… And the cat responded by meowing for the next quarter of a minute.

Anyway, Phoebe eventually looked back into the big box again and saw another note…

“I know you’re old kitty may be getting old and senile, and is about to be put out of service, so Santa had to get you a new one. Just don’t let anyone pop this kitty out of socket 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 :)”…

Phoebe cracked a smile that was more appropriate fifty-five days earlier than it is for a day like this for awhile, before she went back to the table that has the car keys to grab them. She then decided that she and the little kitten were going to go on a celebratory joy ride. And as she was putting the seatbelt on the kitten, that’s when Phoebe came with the name for little kitty…

“I’m gonna name your cute little self Kitty Poppins”.

So Phoebe and Kitty Poppins rode and smiled in their brand spankin new 2016 Kia Sorento, as “White Christmas” played on the “I can see my complexion on this very shiny” car radio…